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The True Blood Finale Is All Questions & No Answers

After watching three seasons of True Blood, I've come to the conclusion that like a Value Meal at McDonald's, the show packs in a lot of crap that's fun while it lasts but leaves you feeling unsatisfied.

It was great to see Sookie be snarky to the King, but why did it take her so long to get some ovaries and start telling people off? When she finally told Bill, "You do not own me," didn't it feel like a long time coming? And when she cackled after putting Talbot's remains in the garbage disposal, didn't it seem out of character?

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As usual, we had lots of other burning questions:

  • What are Hoyt's mama and Summer up to?
  • Why haven't we seem Terry's armadillo named Felix?
  • How come the Crystal's brother — the dude in HotShot high on "vamper juice" — could shoot his Uncle Daddy but not Jason?
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Illustration for article titled The emTrue Blood/em Finale Is All Questions  No Answers
  • Why would they bring back Alcide and yet not make up a reason for him to have his shirt off?
  • Did anyone else laugh out loud when Alcide and Bill were described as "eyefucking each other"?
Illustration for article titled The emTrue Blood/em Finale Is All Questions  No Answers
  • What was up with the creepy baby doll on the floor of the house Hoyt and Jessica are moving into? Is it a symbol of the kids she'll never have? Or will it come to life at night and stab them both?
  • What is wrong with Sam? Why did he shoot poor illiterate and desperately-in-need-of-discipline Tommy?
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Illustration for article titled The emTrue Blood/em Finale Is All Questions  No Answers
  • Why was Eric seeing visions of Godric? And why didn't he listen to the advice his maker was doling out?
  • Don't the writers know that the concept "Jesus Is Magic" was already discussed by Sarah Silverman? Also: Don't you want more Lala and Jesus and less of everyone else?
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Illustration for article titled The emTrue Blood/em Finale Is All Questions  No Answers
  • Where are Tara and her new haircut going?
Illustration for article titled The emTrue Blood/em Finale Is All Questions  No Answers
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  • How amazing was Sophie-Ann's outfit? And won't she kill Bill Compton dead since she's twice his age?
Illustration for article titled The emTrue Blood/em Finale Is All Questions  No Answers
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  • Is Sookie's trip to fairyland a good thing or bad thing for her? And will she hook up with some hot shirtless fairy boy, or do fairy boys only like other boys?
Illustration for article titled The emTrue Blood/em Finale Is All Questions  No Answers
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When I first started watching this show, I hadn't read the books, but I recognized that vampires were a stand-in for society's outcasts; "God Hates Fangs" posters and the Fellowship Of The Sun made it clear that the anti-vamp message could just as well be anti-gay or anti-black or anti-immigrant. But this season, everyone's hiding something — this one's a witch, that one's a were-panther, this one's taking V to enhance his football game — and the message seems to be that none of us are perfect. We've all got secrets, we're all trying to handle our internal demons. Unfortunately, the show got bogged down by Bill and Sookie breaking up, getting back together, and breaking up again. In addition, the way the plot advances ever so slowly, piece by piece, with the characters offering just a tiny morsel of information at a time, has begun to wear thin. Compared to the first season, this one seemed a bit stale and repetitive. Hopefully next season will bring us some new blood, so to speak.

Earlier:
True Blood: Revenge, Abortion & A Womanly God
True Blood Becomes A Fairy Tale
True Blood: How Long Does It Take To Find Out Who You Are?
True Blood: Your Source For Hot Gay Vampire Sex
True Blood: Girlfriend In A Coma
True Blood: Will You Be My Vampire Bride?
True Blood Heals Heartbreak With A Hot Hunk O' Werewolf
True Blood: Vampire Sex Is Twisted
True Blood: Big Foot, Nazis, And Tender Moments
True Blood: "Conscience Off, Dick On"

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DISCUSSION

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ZiggyStarPuff

I thought Eric's actions were written badly for the final episode. So he listens to Godric and takes Russell out of the sun, making all the effort he just went to and feeding on Sookie totally unnecessary. But then after taking Russell out of the sun and sparing his life he suddenly decides to dole out punishment on him AGAIN and throw him in a vat of concrete. I mean, why take him out of the sun to begin with? I know he makes a weak argument about not wanting Russell to find peace, blah blah blah but it just seemed like a badly written way to make us scared that Eric dies not once, but twice. It was just drawing out scenes so Eric and Russell would have screen time.

As much as I love Eric, I was super excited when Bill tried to kill him and then ordered Pam's death. Because I have been waiting all this time for Bill to turn 'bad'. I was so friggin' happy! Then he goes and confesses to Sookie and decides to kill the Queen because he still loves her and *snore*. WHY won't they just admit Bill is a baddie?

I thought for a moment that he had some kind of special powers; his imitation of Eric's voice was spot on!

I doubt that Sam actually shot Tommy.

I thought it was freaking hilarious that Mama Hoyt and Summer staged an intervention, complete with letters. That cracked me up!

I wonder if Lafayette is starting to see the things that people want to hide, like Jesus said, or if he's seeing the future, or what exactly. Either way he has special powers too. Maybe he's a witch also, or a shaman of some kind, but he's definitely more than meets the eye.

I found the whole 'hillbilly compound' thing farcical and kind of offensive. First of all none of the kids even so much as moved when two guys got shot, and I thought that was unrealistic to the point of distraction. But they made the people look just...contrived and very 'cletus the slack jawed yokel'. And when whatshisname said, 'here, uncle daddy' I about had to pack that scene up. Nobody actually uses that term other than in parody, it was just stupid. Surely they could have written that stuff better.

Hrm. I had more complaints about this episode than I thought. I did enjoy Sookie finally growing a pair, and Eric making his way out of certain death and looking sexy in cement. Pam as usual kicks ass, Hoyt and Jessica are awesome and I loved crouching Bill hidden Compton at the end.