Aubrey Drake Graham is many things. He is a rapper, a singer, Rihanna’s ex-boyfriend/maybe boyfriend/who the hell knows. Drake is a dork and he is his own next door neighbor. He is a man who loves his mother and foam parties and Serena Williams and bagel sandwiches. Drake maybe owns a strip club. Sometimes he has a beard and sometimes he doesn’t. On occasion, Drake lies. And if you’re really special, he might buy you a billboard.

Today, Drake is 30 years old. Let us now celebrate his birth, give a warm welcome to Scorpio Season, which kicked-off yesterday, and talk shit about all the moody, sometimes petty, often dramatic, yet curiously lovable men we keep in our lives.