Aunt Becky Couldn’t Believe She Was Doing Anything 'Different Than Donating Money for a Library'

Star of the ongoing college admissions scandal, Aunt Becky, is on the cover of People, complete with a bunch of fun new quotes from an unnamed source. As you have committed to memory, Lori Loughlin and her husband Mossimo Giannulli plead not guilty to paying $500,000 in bribes to ensure their daughters, influencer Olivia Jade and the other one, were admitted to USC despite not wanting to go. Loughlin’s reasoning for pleading not guilty when other rich and/or famous people, like actor Felicity Huffman, plead guilty, has mostly boiled down to that she “didn’t know” where the money was going. People has uncovered the second half of her air-tight defense: according to their source, “She honestly didn’t think what she was doing was any different than donating money for a library or athletic field. That’s the crux of why she pleaded not guilty.”

Obviously Becky and her Target fashion designer beau are wealthy people, but are they throw-$500,000-at-a-bunch-of-strangers-stage-some-photographs-ask-no-questions-and-wonder-why-there’s-no-Loughlin-Giannulli-Tennis-Court-at-USC wealthy? Methinks not.

The source added:

“Lori is remorseful, and she has definite regrets. She’s embarrassed and hurt, and she knows that her reputation has been ruined for life. But she also believes the allegations against her aren’t true… Lori is ready for this to be over. They all are. At this point, it would be better to spend a few months in jail—because she’s been spending the last several months in her own prison.”

If “her own prison” is going to lunch with girlfriends in the middle of the work week in Beverly Hills while wearing a ginormous canvas crime hat, sign me up.

Loughlin and Giannulli are due back in court next week, August 27. I wait with bated breath.