7 Things GMA Can Expect From Elizabeth Hasselbeck

GMA has hired Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and it’s easy to see why! She has all the traits of an ideal reporter: a poor grasp of facts, a penchant for fighting with co-workers, and a habit of launching into self-pitying crying jags.

Here’s are some of the traits that will make Elisabeth a great addition to Good Morning America‘s news broadcast:

1) MISUNDERSTANDING THE ISSUES
On Veterans’ Day, Elisabeth explained that the troops overseas are fighting to defend our freedom of speech, so we should honor them by keeping our dirty liberal mouths shut.

During the campaign, Elisabeth frequently misrepresented the facts to suggest that Barack Obama is a scary socialist. In this clip the co-hosts call her out on her twisted logic. Realizing she can’t defend herself, she pouts and says she’ll just let her “Great AmeriMcCain Hero” t-shirt do the talking.

2) CO-HOST TENSION
Elisabeth’s on-air fights with Rosie O’Donnell were legendary, and she frequently clashes with her liberal counterparts Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg as well. However, she’s even clashed with BFF Sherri Shepherd, who points out Elisabeth’s being a hypocrite in an unusually coherent moment. Robin Roberts better not question anything Elisabeth says, because she’s not afraid to roll her eyes and condescendingly tell her to “relax.”

Similarly, when Barbara Walters tries to force Elisabeth to talk some sense, she snipes at her and refuses to answer the question — just like any good journalist would do!

3) LASHING OUT AT GUESTS
GMA can also look forward to Elisabeth bringing her personal politics into every interview. In this clip, she takes exception to RuPaul’s benign comment about Michelle Obama being a strong woman, because clearly this was a dig at Laura Bush.

Though sometimes, Elisabeth doesn’t want to answer for her views. Criticizing gay marriage during Hot Topics is all well and good, but when confronted with Melissa Etheridge, who is actually married to a woman, Elisabeth refuses to discuss her personal beliefs on the issue. Instead, she says she opposes it in this one circumstance due to a legal technicality.

Though Elisabeth is paid to interview people, if she doesn’t like a certain celebrity, like Kathy Griffin, she’ll sit quietly on the right-wing end of the couch and shun them until she’s sees an opportune moment to attack.

4) VICTIM BLAMING
Women who show too much skin (or rather, tan spandex and sequins) are asking for it.

5) CRYING
To be fair, Elisabeth realized the error of her ways — after her comments caused a media shitstorm. Making Erin sad made Elisabeth so sad that she started to cry big (crocodile) tears!

Hopefully GMA won’t cover many controversial topics on the days Elisabeth is on, because hearing facts about the state of race relations in America also makes her cry.

6) SELF-PITYING
Racial injustice is pretty sad, but nothing is more upsetting than the way everyone attacks Elisabeth for her Republican views.

But what really gets her riled up is how prejudiced Americans are against Christians.

7) INCORRECT ASSUMPTIONS
Though Elisabeth is sure to weave her conservative beliefs into her reporting, she was actully hired to discuss “hot-button family, lifestyle and child-rearing issues.” Because if there’s anyone who understands other people’s lifestyle choices, it’s the woman who declared ladies who turn to lesbianism late in life just can’t find a man.

Earlier: Elisabeth Hasselbeck Doesn’t Want People To Practice What She Preaches
Sherri Shepherd Unleashes Rage On Elisabeth Hasselbeck
Elisabeth Hasselbeck Gets Snippy With Barbara, Booed
RuPaul Vs. Elisabeth Hasselbeck On Strong Women
Etheride Calls Elisabeth Out For Her Support Of Prop 8
Discussion Of Racist Epithet Brings Elisabeth Hasselbeck To Tears
WTF Moment On Morning TV
Hasselbeck Throws DOwn Yet Again Calls Behar A Bigot
Elisabeth Hasselbeck Thinks Older Lesbians Just Couldnt Find A Man