Everyone got married over the weekend: Joe Jonas and Game of Thrones’ Sophie Turner tied the knot, again, this time in France; Zoë Kravitz wore white bridal bike shorts to her rehearsal dinner and Vanderpump Rules drunk villain Jax Taylor somehow convinced sweet Kentucky angel Brittany Cartwright to become his Wife. I can’t believe that after everything they’ve been through (re: everything he’s done to her), they made it, but they did, and for that... I’m grateful for the forthcoming episode. Their wedding is near-impossible to fathom without photographic evidence, so let’s stroll through Instagram.
According to Brittany’s Instagram, they were wed at the Kentucky Castle in her home state, just outside of Lexington. She wore a structured bodice. He wore his best-looking face in years—honestly, he looks like a member of New Kids on the Block that miraculously aged well. Together, they look happy. I’m proud of them for striking a deal with People for the exclusive.
According to Scheana Marie’s Instagram, the official hashtag was #JaxGotItWright which is cute in a Pinterest-way but not cute in a Brittany-has-her-own-autonomy way. Bonus points should be awarded to the ever self-involved Scheana for putting her favorite quote in the caption, the one she has tattooed on her forearm that’s taken from the horrible movie Almost Famous, “It’s all happening.” Gotta love a bridesmaid who somehow makes it about herself... in the most subtle way possible.
The Schwartz family seemed to have a good time. Tom didn’t post an Instagram from the nuptials, so naturally I assume he and Jax got into a fight. Or drunk. Definitely drunk. For the sake of the show, I hope they did. Tom Sandoval, possibly in solidarity, also failed to post an Instagram.
According to Stassi, the lack of pics is because everyone got drunk. I used to think Beau was cute. but now I’m starting to think he looks like he’s going to the Warped Tour. When does Vanderpump Rules return to Bravo?
Finally, a real wedding photo. Who is the tall guy? I need answers.
Judging by this photo, Lala and Randall are still together. Great!
Jax’s Instagrams were by far the most romantic, and also overwhelmingly sentimental. I’m not tearing up, just had onions in my breakfast omelet.
Everyone wearing sunglasses, we must assume, is hungover.
She looks great! Maybe Jax is a little less terrible now. Good for him! But where’s James Kennedy?