Time for Another Celebrity Coronavirus Apology

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Photo: Emma McIntyre (Getty Images)

On Monday, rapper Cardi B and her husband Offset celebrated his 29th birthday by going out to—you guessed it—a packed nightclub in Atlanta!! Shocking!! Page Six reports that Instagram Story videos of the club showed that birthday party attendees were not social distancing inside (duh, it is a CLUB) and barely any masks were visible. This comes mere days after Offset said he wouldn’t take the Pfizer covid-19 vaccine because of something he saw online, and just a couple of weeks after Cardi herself posted about her 37 PERSON Thanksgiving celebration.

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Although Cardi B has at times shown herself to have more sense than many of her peers, it’s become abundantly clear nine months into the pandemic that many of the wealthy and famous simply do not care who their actions might put at risk, as long as they can keep living their lives relatively undisturbed by a pandemic that has killed 300,000 people just in the United States. Photos and videos from maskless birthday parties, maskless holiday gatherings, and maskless house parties are disturbingly normal. Who cares that 10,000 Georgia residents have died as a result of covid-19?? As long as Offset gets his birthday party.

At this point, there is a clear formula to what I’ve decided to call the Celebrity Coronavirus Apology, or CCA (not to be confused with the more generic Celebrity Notes App Apology).

Firstly, they apologize to their fans, often repeatedly expressing how “seriously” they take the pandemic, despite their behavior indicating the exact opposite.

Next, they explain that everyone was tested before the gathering—ignoring the fact that there is a veritable avalanche of evidence showing that people can test negative for covid-19 for over a week after being exposed (and sometimes even after having symptoms!), and that it’s not at all uncommon for rapid antigen tests to miss coronavirus infections. Sometimes they add in the fact that everyone they regularly see gets tested several times a week, as if that changes anything.

Lastly, they end their apology with a promise to do better, typically using vague language that doesn’t *actually* force them to commit to changing their behavior in the future.

I pray for the day that these celebrities realize that they can live their wealthy little lives without posting about it all over social media DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. I’m already dreading the inevitable posts about celebrities’ large Christmas gatherings, at the same time many of the rest of us are choosing to spend the holidays alone in an attempt to keep our families and communities safe. [Page Six]

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Unlike my colleague Ashley Reese, a noted Dionne Warwick Twitter truther, I have chosen to believe that every single one of Ms. Warwick’s perfect tweets comes straight from the depths of her obviously fascinating mind.

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Further evidence to support my obviously correct theory? Her recent tweet praising Zendaya’s acting abilities. I mean.... game recognize game.

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  • Engagement season has arrived—Lana Del Rey is reportedly engaged to her new boyfriend Clayton Johnson, who is apparently a different person than the reality television cop she was dating earlier this year. [Us Weekly]
  • Jennifer Lopez is reportedly headlining Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, which, despite its name, will be hosted by Ryan Seacrest. [Just Jared]
  • Harry and Meghan have signed a deal with Spotify to produce and host podcasts, which is confusing, but I suppose no more confusing than their recent Netflix deal. [Guardian]

DISCUSSION

By
selburn8

Between Cardi B and Tom Cruise, which person has more common sense? The answer may surprise you!

(A few days ago, Tom Cruise was recorded going on a Les Grossman-level rant at the Mission Impossible crew for breaking quarantine rules.)