In March, dozens of wealthy people were indicted in a massive college admissions bribery scheme. Basically, Richie Rich-types paid large bribes to get their dumb kids into top schools, which is only noteworthy in this case because they got caught. Of the fifty or so parents originally charged with giving tens of thousands of dollars to ring leader/college prep advisor/big time grifter Rick Singer, the most notable names were actors Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin. (The latter has been lovingly referred to as Aunt Becky on this blog for the better part of the year, and I’ve so enjoyed documenting her fall from grace.) Huffman eventually plead guilty to paying a $15,000 bribe and was sentenced to 14 days in prison, of which she served just 11. Loughlin, on the other hand, has rejected plea deals—considering that she and hubby Mossimo Giannulli allegedly dropped $500,000 to get their daughters Olivia Jade and the other one into USC, things aren’t looking so bright for her. Because she’s been wearing a big ol’ crime hat out in public to shade her face.
I first coined “crime hat” on a sleepy July day after noticing that, hey, Aunt Becky wears a lot of big hats in public, even though her public appearances are few and far between, and that a big hat only makes her appear more suspicious. Soon after, Page Six was using the terminology, as was Vanity Fair and a few other, smaller publications. Moments like these really fulfill a journalist’s purpose: everyone dreams to name something and have that idiot thought become bigger than herself, and I actually did it. Also, it doesn’t hurt that Aunt Becky, bless her heart, continued to wear a damn crime hat. It evolved, and here is your guide to that evolution. 2019, I will miss you.
June 21, 2019
Aunt Becky, excuse me, Where’s Waldo?, was seen exiting a nail salon in Beverly Hills in June, three months after the initial Operation Varsity Blues story broke. Atop her head was a giant, canvas, bag-like hat. It was so large, her entire face was obscured. It’s comforting, in a way, to know that she dove straight into “accused person” as a stylistic choice.
