Piers Morgan has gotta go.
Unfortunately for us, that living Easter Island head probably isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, because after he butchered Larry King’s timeslot and CNN fired him, he had to figure out how to make a living somehow. Aside from the moment where he was thought to have hacked people’s phones, Piers has recovered nicely as a professional troll masquerading as a journalist.
Now, we all have to make a living. I can respect it and I see his game, but that doesn’t mean we have to help him. Admittedly, myself and Jezebel are more than guilty of feeding into this man’s delusions of relevancy because, for the most part, it was funny to laugh and make fun of all his stupid, stupid, stupid words and opinions.
Somewhere along the way, however, we crossed the line from amusingly dumb to actually annoying. It’s annoying mostly because he’s perfected his formula for writing a poorly-written article with a shallow, incorrect, contrarian point of view and hyping it up like fight night.
He riles everyone up with some awful column and the internet reacts, which gives credence to his argument that he’s relevant because people are talking about him. Of course, most sensible people recognize that press coverage roundly denouncing your opinions isn’t actually all that good, but he does have a point. We’ve helped gas him up like the balloon head that he is.
Lord knows I love watching Chrissy Teigen drag his thirsty ass all over Twitter just as I enjoyed Cheslea Handler—a person I don’t even like—shutting him down with ease. Cher and Susan Sarandon have also had some entertaining clapbacks at that blockhead’s expense.
Still, Piers Morgan makes money off of any attention—negative or not—and I don’t want to be part of facilitating that any longer.
Do we need Piers Morgan, a British man, lecturing Americans on gun control as if we’re not having that debate on our own? Black people do not need a white man telling us what language we can or cannot use, just as women don’t need to be mansplained about what feminism is.
To be clear, regardless of whether or not we ignore him, he’s going to keep spewing his idiocy because what else does he have to do? He’ll probably push even more inflammatory bullshit to get our attention like a child who pees in the bed to make sure mommy still loves him.
He’ll likely read this plea as proof of his influence, but, as usual, he will be wrong. It’s not that Piers Morgan is actually threatening in a real way. He’s a bad writer who writes for a bad website. His ideas are not significant or engaging, they’re just irritating and temporarily raise our blood pressures for no good reason. He’s not important enough to be an actual enemy. He holds no power. He is that nosey next door neighbor with no impulse control who you simply have to shut the door on and avoid eye contact with on the way to the mailbox.
Piers Morgan is a silly man and he should be treated as such. He is desperate for attention and we’ve humored him long enough. Short of him doing or being involved with something actually newsworthy, I won’t be writing about this clown anymore and I’m going to mute him on Twitter for good measure. When he trolls us with yet another article—and you know he will—I am going to ignore it and I encourage everyone else to do the same.
Besides, we have much bigger idiot fish to fry.
So please, join me in purging the British Thing from your life. Between that and increasing your water intake, I promise you’ll feel better. Ban Piers Morgan from your heart, your thoughts and Twitter feed—if for no other reason than the decreased attention is definitely going to annoy him even more then he’s annoyed all of us.
Image via Getty.