Neil Patrick Harris, savior of every awards show you've ever watched, is swooping down on American Horror Story. Thank God, the Freak Show needs the help.

According to TV Line, Harris and his husband David Burtka are both being written into the series—the former as a "chameleon salesman," the latter as a sex slave for Jessica Lange's Fräulein Elsa, or something along those lines.

Harris is hot in these streets this week. He just signed on to host the 2015 Oscars as well as lead his own variety show. (The variety show makes me nervous: If Maya Rudolph couldn't pull off the small screen variety show in 2014, who can?)

I watch American Horror Story because I'm a fan, but this Freak Show season is moving slower than the last day of college. Where is the action? Where is the clenching storyline? The cast are all acting their asses off, from saucy three-breasted Angela Bassett to bearded and oddly accented Kathy Bates and fame whore Jessica Lange. There are Fiona Apple covers sung by conjoined twins and it still feels like work not to change the channel. There's plenty of weirdness, but it all seems more for shock value than a build-up to anything significant.

I sincerely hope that AHS creator Ryan Murphy is withholding some juicy storyline that'll draw me back, because I really want to like Freak Show. I really do! We've been together for four years, Ryan. Remember when you ushered in Connie Britton's popularity train (you're welcome, Nashville) with Season 1's Murder House? The aliens in Season 2's Asylum were confusing, but Zachary Quinto and his eyebrows as the crazy doctor-cum-killer alongside Dylan McDermott as his bastard child and Sarah Paulson as the ambitious journalist-cum-mother? Wow. And what about when you wrote Fiona Goode's dastardly line to her daughter ("Don't make me drop a house on you") in Season 3's Coven? Fantastic. Don't leave me like this with Freak Show. Hopefully Doogie Howser can save our relationship.

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