Welcome to Would U?, an academic forum in which I share my gross crush of the week and ask if you, too, would bang that person.
Paul Ryan (R-WI), newly-elected Speaker of the House of Representatives, is anti-abortion, anti-Obamacare, anti-climate change legislation, anti-gun control, anti-paid family leave, and pretty hot!
Besides all that other stuff, Paul Ryan likes working out, and also recently grew a short, scratchy, barrier-breaking little beard. Are you into it?
This question was posed to members of both the Jezebel.com and Gawker.com staff; below is a lightly edited version of our conversation.
Bobby Finger: Yes. Next question.
Madeleine Davies: I would rather throw myself off a bridge.
Anna Merlan: No.
Kelly Faircloth: Fuck no.
Joanna Rothkopf: I think he looks p good with his beard. But would never.
Kate Dries: No.
Bobby Finger (privately, to me): ...I don’t understand why everyone’s like “nah.”
Me: Feel like Emma would.
Emma Carmichael: Ellie, yes, thanks.
Kate: Secondly, he looks better clean-shaven.
Emma: Wow no, Kate is wrong.
Madeleine: He looks like a triplets of belleville illustration.
Hillary Crosley: He’s the devil.
Emma: [Link]
Jia Tolentino: Uh, yeah.
Ashley Feinberg: Yes. Not in general. With beard yes.
Ashley: I was just thinking about that yesterday.
Allie Jones: I would not.
Hamilton Nolan: No.
Alex Pareene: I am only a yes when he’s wearing his backwards cap and working out.
Ashley: While working out sounds physically complicated.
Sam Biddle: Yeah would smash.
Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: God this is all so confusing. Like, Y. But hard N.
Ashley: What’s confusing?
Ashley: a) He is incredibly hot now and b) I would get a GREAT post out of it.
Julianne: Goddammit Ashley, you win. But also NAH.
Ashley: Imagine that in John’s memo.
Emma: God that would rule.
Emma: I Fucked Paul Ryan by Ashley Feinberg.
Alex: That’s the whole post.
Emma: Then it’s just a gif of Ashley smiling and nodding.
Ashley: I could post that now Alex...
Ashley: I notice you’re not telling me not to.
So! Would you?
Last time on Would U?, we asked: Which monster would you have sex with? 34% of you said Frankenstein, 20% said Mike Wazowski, 11% said “other” (which included “Hellboy,” “My ex,” “Marco Rubio,” and “Godzilla, you dope!” because I forgot to include him in the poll), 11% said The Creature from the Black Lagoon, 10% said Freddy Krueger, 7% said Audrey II, 3.5% said Jaws, and 3% said Slimer.
Contact the author at ellie@jezebel.com.
Image via Getty, photoshop by Bobby Finger.