Last week, a rep for Zooey Deschanel announced that she split from her husband of four years, film producer Jacob Pechenik. He told HollywoodLife their estrangement is “amicable,” and that he is “happy.” In that time, Deschanel has begun dating a Property Brother who she met while filming Carpool Karaoke on The Late Late Show With James Corden. If you are like me, the product of a Chip and Joanna Gaines household and not the boy twins, you’re probably wondering, “Which bro is she smooching?” or “What’s the difference between the two?” and definitely “Who finds love on Carpool Karaoke?” I can’t answer the last one, but I can, and absolutely did, uncover the former. Let’s get to it.
The Property Brothers are two identical 41-year-old twin giants from Vancouver, British Columbia named Jonathan Silver Scott and Andrew Alfred Scott. The latter goes by Drew. Jonathan is four minutes older and one-inch taller than Drew, who is 6'4". Jonathan is the contractor of the pair and Drew is the realtor of the operation. Their titular home renovation show, Property Brothers, debuted in their native Canada on the W Network in 2011. In the eight years since, the show has migrated to HGTV stateside and blown up into an entire franchise. Your mom probably knows all this already, but does she know that as children, both brothers earned 2nd-degree black belts in karate and took home multiple Canadian National Championship titles? Or, according to the HGTV website, they were also competitive bagpipers?
There’s also a third, secret, emo brother named J.D. Scott, but he is not a twin. He’s appeared in some episodes of Property Brothers and one of their many spin-off series, Brother Vs. Brother, but he’s not one of the big boys. He’s married to an aspiring BeauTuber with pink hair named Annalee Belle.
According to a 2016 Pop Sugar article titled, “The Secret to Telling Property Brothers Jonathan and Drew Scott Apart”, it’s “easy to distinguish” the brothers because as, adults, their style is different. (False.) There’s “clean-cut Drew in his professional button-down” and the “hammer-swinging, stubble-covered Jonathan,” an insane note to make since they both regularly sport varying degrees of facial hair. (After an hour of research, I’d argue I’m enough of a professional to make that call.) Also, they both have nearly identical voices, but Jonathan tends to use bigger words. They have different tastes, too. Jonathan describes his personal home design aesthetic as based on “conversation pieces... I have a volcanic rock idol that was hand-carved,” where as Drew is “rustically modern,” which is exactly how all straight men talk when they’re bullshitting their way through a Crate and Barrel. Jonathan likes to do magic tricks in his spare time and identifies as an illusionist. Drew was a clown. Jonathan has two tiny dogs named Gracie and Stewie.
It’s Jonathan. It’s so clearly Jonathan. Even if Drew wasn’t happily married, she would obviously date the one who likes to build things out of wood and moonlights as Criss Angel. If there is a thicc boy version of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, it is Jonathan. I hope they get married, build a house together and film the whole thing for an HGTV spin-off mini-series like 2017's Property Brothers at Home: Drew’s Honeymoon House when Drew finally moved out of the home he shared with his twin brother as an adult man and into his Los Angeles forever home with wife Linda Phan. Imagine how twee that shit is going to be (Plus, it’ll certainly include a secret room for all the Medieval weapons both twins have collected since childhood.)
Has anyone pointed out that they are a bunch of nerds? They’re such dweebs. But as Ciara and Russell Wilson have illustrated—sometimes it’s good to marry the corny ass dude. You do you, Zooey.