What To Buy A Grinch

By Dodai Stewart | December 24, 2010 | 3:14pm

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Some people do not care for winter wonderlands, silver bells or “merry” anything. Some people are bitchy and bitter, perpetually pissed-off or generally annoyed. What we have here are gifts for Grinches, Scrooges, the enraged and the ill-tempered.

Perfect for your Avatar-obsessed friend who would rather live on Pandora; your Twihard niece who wants to be a vampire or the tech support guy who hates everybody. Humans suck tee, $18, Think Geek.

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Everyone has an Eeyore in their life. Downtrodden despondents unite and celebrate! And by celebrate, I mean mope. Despair pennant, $4.95, Archie McPhee.

Your pregnant friend has all the onesies and booties she’ll ever need, but she doesn’t have a book that will scare her to death with terrifying tidbits about eating and screaming. Oh Crap, I’m Having A Baby, $7.99, Blue Q.

The jerk on your list will enjoy evil misfortune cookies with sayings like, “Your friends don’t really like you” and “You will die alone and poorly dressed.” Kind of genius to spring these on unsuspecting guests at a dinner party. $9.99, Think Geek.

For the quick-tempered Ari Gold types: A “rage” cell phone charm that could also attach to a key ring, zipper pull or Kabbalah bracelet. $4, via Etsy.

Does your sister hate winter? Is she constantly complaining about being cold? How about some Love Vs. Hate mittens. These are custom, so if you prefer Hate/Hate, Life/Sucks or Fuck/You, the creator may be able to oblige. $30, ArtSnack via Etsy.

A similar concept, with dept owed to Do The Right Thing. Love on the one side, hate on the other. Isn’t that always the way? Two-finger ring, $30, Nesahero, via Etsy

The boyfriend who travels all the time and is livid about the TSA screenings will appreciate these boxers with the 4th Amendment printed on them in metallic ink — the text is readable by body scanners! $41, Cargo Collective.

All kinds of frustrated folk can channel irritations with the Avenging Unicorn play set, in which you use one of four interchangeable horns to impale either a mime, a hippie or a business man. Yeah, that’s right. STICK IT TO THE MAN! $12.95, Archie McPhee.

On the other hand, if you’re shopping for someone who fucking despises unicorns and rainbows and Taylor Swift, this can of unicorn meat (there’s actually a dismembered stuffed animal inside) will make an oddly satisfying gift. Unicorn meat, $12, Think Geek.

Your favorite curmudgeon can let folks know the deal with this I Hate People cross-stitch. Also available: I Hate Everything. Really. Why hold back? $3, The Purple Hippo via Etsy.

A nice gift for a bitchy BFF, especially if you fill the canister with Midol or Advil. Engraved What If There Is No PMS? pillbox, $13.20, by Mud Pie.

Aww, cute! Sometimes malcontents are adorable. Just look at sad panda Taylor Momsen. I Hate You tee, $24, Hot Topic.

This gum makes a great little gift for a coworker. It’s Not PMS It’s YOU gum, $1.25 each pack, Blue Q. (Also loving the one which reads Nope, Not Married Yet.)

Got a roommate with an attitude issue? This one is for her. Use This Toothbrush And I Will Break Your Arm toothbrush holder, $7.99, Blue Q.

Here’s one for your angry vegan World Wildlife Fund supporting Greenpeace donation-giving homegirl. It’s actually a really well-made bag with lots of pockets inside! It just happens to be surly. (And there is a censored version). Angry Little Girls “Shop With A Reusable Bag, Bitch” bag, $25.99, Angry Little Girls.

Lastly, a shout-out to foul-mouthed fillies. F*@K!, F*@K!, F*@K! wallet, $15.99, Angry Little Girls.

Earlier:
Gifts Women Really Want
The Gift Guide For Crafters
Great Gifts Under $10
What To Buy Discerning Gluttons
What To Buy A Pop Culture Junkie
The Nostalgia Gift Guide
What To Buy Your Coworkers
What To Buy Your Favorite Drunk
Gifts For People You Hate