Welcome to Jezebel’s Horny Week

Valentine’s Day is, inarguably, a very stupid holiday born of capitalism for the obvious purpose of corporations profiting off people’s romantic imaginations.

Still, it often forces most of us for just once a year, to really consider what’s happening in this current moment in our romantic lives. Perhaps you’ve recently been dumped in year three of a global pandemic (not ideal!). Maybe you’re married and extremely tired of being trapped in the same small space with the same person, day after day, even if you love said person deep down. Or, possibly, you’re knee-deep in a state of limerence and excited to share your annoyingly passionate feelings about your new partner with the world on social media.

I’ll be candid: The Jezebel team does not give a shit about your romantic status as it relates to February 14, a deeply unremarkable day. So, since everyone will be talking about eros this week, we’d like to take the opportunity to explore another, more interesting and adjacent feeling, experienced universally by those single and partnered alike: horniness. Now, Jez has given you some primo horndog content in the form of our Summer Crush series last year, where we delved into the wonderful world of himbos. This time around, we’re getting grittier.

Horniness, as sexpert Chelsea G. Summers articulately explains in her history of the word, is the “deep-seated, itchy, essentially unslakable bodily keening for sex.” Humans are animals, after all: Horniness animates our reproductive inclinations. It makes us do incredibly stupid, reckless things. It holds us back while also giving us a reason to live. And we want to talk to about it.

So, for Jezebel’s Horny Week series, we will dive into these moments — the regrettable decisions we’ve made, guided by our nether regions. The moments that first made us horny in life. The situations that should potentially make us horny, but for whatever reason do not. The horniest moments in Super Bowl history. The horny people who took it too far, and thus belong in Horny Jail.

It’s horny time. Let’s get weird.

A Meaty Look At Pop Culture’s Dicksplosion

By Gabrielle Bruney

The Moment a Pop Star Becomes Undeniably Horny

By Rich Juzwiak

What The Hell Is Going On With Male Birth Control

By Susan Rinkunas

These People Belong in Horny Jail

By Jezebel Staff

Would U? Megan Fox as The Demon In ‘Jennifer’s Body’

By Emily Leibert

‘Pride & Prejudice’ Is Not a Graceful Period Piece. It’s a Raunchy Sex Movie.

By Sarah Rense

The Moment We Realized We Were Horny

By Jezebel Staff

Who Are the Most Tender Lovers of the Animal Kingdom?

By Rich Juzwiak

The Super Bowl’s Horniest Moments

By Emily Leibert

The Unbearable Horniness of Getting Sober

By Danielle Tcholakian

Fury-Pegging the Colonizer

By Anonymous

The Worst Dates We’ve Ever Been On

By Jezebel Staff

These Sex Situations from Film and TV Are Definitely Uncomfortable

By Jezebel Staff