Not only are these women giving their best sixth grade mean girl performances, but their tiffs are possibly the most unhinged they’ve ever been. Cat fight, respectfully!!!

Let’s start with this season’s newcomer, Bre Tiesi. Tiesi is (one of) Nick Cannon’s baby mamas; the two share 11-month-old son Legendary Love. (Tiesi, who’s been called an un-yassified Megan Fox, said Tuesday that she wants to “fossilize” her face, rather than saying she wants to look young. These women really can’t just get their Botox and leave it at that.)

During filming, castmate Chelsea Lazkani said that she finds Tiesi’s arrangement with Cannon (they are best friends and co-parents, according to Tiesi) “rather off-putting” and out of alignment with her Christian values. Tiesi was understandably livid about Lazkani’s comment and, in response, Lazkani told Entertainment Tonight that she thinks Tiesi “wants to kill [her].” Huh.

“I want to stay alive for a very long time. So, you know, I just think I’ll keep my distance from her,” Lazkani added.

Next up: Nicole Young, another newcomer, although she’s worked at the Oppenheim Group for nearly a decade. On a trip to Palm Springs during the show, Stause randomly accuses her of being on drugs “or mushrooms or something” because Young was using her hands in dramatic fashion while speaking. While Stause has said some wildly petty shit in past seasons, leveling accusations about Young using “crack” because she has wacky mannerisms is well outside her normal drama scope—though I’m sorry to say that it is indeed funny.

“I’m not going to be accused of being a crackhead by someone who has nothing else to throw at me,” Young said in this very real quote on the show.

In other nonsensical Selling Sunset behavior news, Stause and castmate Amanza Smith are feuding in the comments of an Instagram post in which Smith revealed she was cancer-free; Rae El Moussa and Lazkani are feuding in the comment section of a separate Instagram post; and Lazkani brought a 3D vagina purse to a broker’s open. Obviously, it’s par for the course for reality stars to resurface filming drama for publicity purposes, but damn, I’m eating out of these weirdo’s hands. Thanks for dinner, ladies!!!

• Katy Perry reportedly wants to bid farewell to her gig with American Idol after being portrayed as the “nasty judge.” [Page Six]
• I have discovered that unfortunately Aaron Rodgers and I have something in common: We both think Jersey Shore is a masterpiece. [TMZ]
• Brittany Snow said she was “blindsided” by Tyler Stanaland in their ongoing divorce. [Page Six]
• Nick Jonas was apparently very upset that his brother Joe Jonas was chosen as a judge on The Voice over him. Being famous is so hard sometimes! [Armchair Expert Pod]
• Margot Robbie “really didn’t even think about playing Barbie until years into developing” Barbie, which her production company is behind, but now she’s clearly committed to the look. [Vogue]