This week, the girlies of TikTok conspired to expose Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine as a serial text cheater—and a weird one, at that. On top of roasting the married father of two (with a third child on the way!) for asking his alleged mistress for permission to name his next child after her, Twitter has since become a cesspool of tweets and memes mocking Levine’s sexts. The sexts in question, are, indeed, dripping with surprising levels of thirst and desperation from a man once named People’s Sexiest Man Alive: “I may need to see the booty,” reads one, with a follow-up that simply says, “Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.” Another message: “It is truly unreal how fucking hot you are. Like it blows my mind.”
All of this has raised much more important questions: Why are rich famous men so bad at sexting? Is there really such thing as a “good” sext at all?? Maybe all sexts just look a little awkward when decontextualized from the heat of the moment?
But some celebrity sexts are just...unequivocally weird. Might I bring your attention to the leaked (also extramarital) sexts of former Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate, Cal Cunningham, in which he calls a woman “historically sexy 😘” and says her proposition to hang out “sounds so hot and so fun!”
And because this world is apparently a bottomless pit of horny, entitled, famous men, there’s more, much more where that came from. Join me in perusing a bunch of rich, famous people’s cringe written attempts at flirting and fucking—and thank god they have money, because I have a feeling they’d be living pretty lonely lives without it.