Today, as I type this, is October 11th, the year of our Lord 2021, and it is also National Coming Out Day and Indigenous People’s Day, which is still incorrectly referred to by some as Columbus Day. These facts are all relevant, as you will soon understand. On this particular day, Senator Ted Cruz, a man who loves to talk about being Cuban whenever it suits him, came out to the world as an Italian-American. Why? In order to honor another famous Italian, Christopher Couldn’t-Find-Where-He-Was-Going-Genocidal-Maniac-Gotdamn Columbus.
Cruz put together a Twitter thread long enough to put Zola to shame, most of which was just a regurgitation of Reagan’s speech. But never one to miss an opportunity to be racist, he added his own thoughts: “But the atrocities were not one-sided. Native Americans also waged war against the Western explorers, slaughtering many. And they could be brutal (there is a reason “to scalp” is a verb).” Bitch, what?
The thread, of course, caps off with Cruz’s favorite subject, American propaganda: He applauds the US for being the most liberating and immigrant accepting country on the face of the earth. Nothing like the sweet smell of revisionist history on a holiday celebrating revisionist history!
But truly, the bravery shown here by Rafael Edward Cruz to expose himself as both a racist and an Italian-American, when notable Italian-Americans are shaming the good name of Italian-Americans, is, dare I say it, a chef’s kiss moment. Nevermind that his mother is only one-quarter Italian, which makes the marinara sauce that runs through Ted’s veins slightly diluted. What matters here is representation.
When they tossed around the term “Fredo,” like it wasn’t a slur, he was silent. When men like Elon Musk and Chris Pratt were given the roles of Italian icons, he said nothing. When Lady Gaga and Adam Driver put on those absolutely ridiculous accents for House of Gucci, still he remained steadfast in his determination to be seen as Cuban. But now, something calls to Cruz deep within his soul to speak out and add his voice to the choir of Italian-Americans who will be seen for what they truly are: white people from a very specific part of Europe. Congratulations to all Italian-Americans on their news addition to the family. Please keep him.