“The internet” has a funny way of making a big deal out of small jokes, much like the “love affair” that’s raging on social media between Lizzo and Chris Evans. Chris Evans is one of the good famous (white) Chrises, and my personal favorite, due to his propensity for wearing a gold chain and executing a fairly successful Masshole impression. Lizzo will always be my favorite celebrity vegan flautist. In my book, that’s a match made in heaven, so what’s this I hear about a Bodyguard remake and these two??
To be clear, there is no confirmation on anything except that a Bodyguard remake is coming our way eventually. While I am irate at the thought of remaking what is an inarguable classic, and besmirching the memory of Whitney Houston at her most transcendent and Kevin Costner at the peak of his grizzled attractiveness feels sacrilegious, I suppose everything is up for grabs now because we’ve all lost the capacity for truly original thought. Anyway, there is a remake of this movie in the works, and Lizzo thinks that she and Chris Evans should star in it, together.
Rooting around in my handbag, I cannot really find a reason to object? Lizzo’s fun, Chris Evans is hot, the Bodyguard is a tale as old as time, and both nostalgia and morbid curiosity sell movie tickets. Though I’m not quite convinced that Lizzo has the range to do the big songs justice, maybe that doesn’t matter anymore. If she can put on the little jangled headdress that accompanies the Queen of the Night costume from the original and do justice to the best song from this soundtrack, which is not the song you think it is (it’s “I Have Nothing,” thanks), then okay! Hollywood or whoever, roll some calls, get the bigwigs on the horn, and make it happen. [EW]
Just a nice little story about Marlon Wayans’ big ol’ dick: apparently once upon a time, Kym Whitley mistook this man’s member for a “small bat” when she saw its contours through his pantaloons while they were filming an episode of The Wayans Bros. Take it away, miss:
“I thought he’s trying to be funny because he’s a fool and I kept looking and I said [to myself], ‘This boy done put a small bat in his shorts, in his red sweatpants.’ I kept looking at it and I said, ‘Stop being silly boy, are you crazy?’”
Whitley says she turned to the crew and said, “You see this? He is so silly. And nobody on set was laughing. They were saying over the speakers, like, ‘Oh she seen it,’” she said.
“So I am like, that’s real? First of all you need to put a rope on that thing and tie it up, whatever that is. Then for the whole week I was distracted. The word in Hollywood is he’s just blessed, and it burned into my brain.”
Have a nice weekend. [Page Six]
- What on earth is lurking in Prince Philip’s will?? I don’t know, but what I do know is that that shit is sealed for 90 years due to some sort of tradition, so if you’re interested in waiting that long to find out, be my guest! [BBC]
- I am truly sorry for her loss, but who on earth is this? [Page Six]
- Of course Grimes’s lil baby is one of those kids that calls their parents by their first name—not Grimes, duh, but Claire. [Buzzfeed]
- Surely you want to know why Heather Rae Young, who is married to Tarek El-Moussa, thinks it’s important to maintain a relationship with Christina Haack’s ex-husband, Ant Anstead. If you don’t, just remember that Academy Award-winning actor Renee Zellweger is somehow involved in this, too. [Us Weekly]
- Wendy Williams caught a breakthrough case of covid, and is also undergoing psychiatric evaluation at a hospital after learning that her show would be delayed, and I mean this sincerely: I hope she’s okay! [TMZ]
- Very important news for a small and select group: Saweetie for Crocs x Hidden Valley Ranch. [Twitter]