Last I heard, Jennifer Lopez and A-Rod were not quite broken up, but not quite together, existing in that liminal space that happens when you are an adult and a relationship is not quite what either person wants, but also, you’re old, still hot, but old kinda, so you have to sit down, look at what’s in front of you, and see if it will work. Most people engage in this practice via passive-aggressive text messages and pointed suggestions about couple’s therapy, but if you are A-Rod, you will fly to the Dominican Republic where your beloved is doing work, sign some baseball cards on the private plane, and figure your shit out.
Maybe these two did not break up, as previously stated. Maybe they are doing the adult thing as described above. Also, maybe the rumors about A-Rod doing FaceTime cheating (I’m reading between the lines here, she maintains she’s “never met him in person”) with Madison LeCroy from Southern Charm are true. If I were Jennifer Lopez and I had decided that a former baseball man was the one for me for now, for the meantime, and I found out he was allegedly, maybe, doing FaceTime sex (???) with some blonde woman from Bravo, I would perhaps make a stink so large that it would seem like we’d broken up, even though that was not my intention at all. Perhaps that’s what’s happening here, yeah?
A-Rod flew to the DR on Monday, posted a photo of the view from his hotel window, and tagged J-Lo in said post. “Happy Monday. New day. New week. Onward. Upward,” he wrote. Okay, sir, thank you for this half-assed motivational speech, I appreciate it and you. Here’s how Jennifer Lopez felt about receiving her man:
“Alex flew to the Dominican Republic yesterday,” a source close to Lopez, 51, tells PEOPLE. “Jennifer was excited to see him in person. They are really trying to figure things out.”
“It was a happy reunion,” the source adds.
Okay! They’re happy! They are working it out. Let’s get loud for love!! [People]
Please join me in spending two to three minutes contemplating this Instagram ad featuring Nicole Kidman giving her sister, Antonia, a foot massage and acting as if massaging your sister’s feet is normal.
Nicole Kidman is apparently a brand ambassador for SeraLabs, which is the company responsible for the #heelsouffle that she is massaging into her sister, Antonia’s feet. “I’ll seet heah awl day,” says Antonia, in the Australian accent that I never hear coming from her sister, Nicole. Happy for Antonia! Happy for Nicole, collecting the big bucks from SeraLabs, and happy for me for learning that the product advertised on Nicole Kidman’s Instagram is affordably priced and enhanced with CBD. Nicole, the spon worked! I’ve been influenced!!! [People]
- The love I love the most is the love between Keanu Reeves and his normal-ass girlfriend, Alexandra Grant. [Us Weekly]
- The love that was just teenage lust turned into consensual sex I love the second most is Soleil Moon Frye doin’ it with Charlie Sheen back in the day. [Us Weekly]
- The love I used to love that is now dead in the water is the love between Kathy Wakile and Melissa Gorga of the New Jersey Housewives, who claim that the show ruined their relationship. [Page Six]
DISCUSSION
For A Rod to cheat on JLo via FaceTime phone sex with C List reality show hairdresser is pretty damn unseemly.