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Kim Kardashian Has No Idea What to Wear in That Awkward Stage of Early Pregnancy

Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian Has No Idea What to Wear in That Awkward Stage of Early Pregnancy

Look, we get it. We know. It fucking sucks getting dressed in the beginning of your second trimester. Because you don't look pregnant yet—you just look thick in the middle. You've outgrown some of your regular wardrobe, but you're not big enough for maternity clothes (most of which aren't cute anyway). It makes getting dressed really difficult and stressful. And the hormones don't make you feel any better, emotionally speaking. So we feel for Kim Kardashian. Really, we do. But isn't she supposed to be a fashion-y person, a "designer" or former stylist or something? And rich? And living for the cameras? She should be showing us how it's done, frankly. Instead, it's like watching a person who doesn't know how to swim desperately flailing in three feet of water, trying not to drown. You feel a little bad for her, but it's also really funny.

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Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian Has No Idea What to Wear in That Awkward Stage of Early Pregnancy

This look is almost comical, like she's trying to make us laugh. Maybe it comes across that way because she's wearing clown pants—but, you know, a sad clown.

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Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian Has No Idea What to Wear in That Awkward Stage of Early Pregnancy

Kim went to Elton John's Oscars party on Sunday night and while she didn't look necessarily bad, it was clear that she's uncomfortable with giving up her sex symbol status, even during her pregnancy. It's like, we saw the tape. And you're pregnant for Christ's sake. We know you're fuckable. Give it a rest for the duration of your gestation.

Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian Has No Idea What to Wear in That Awkward Stage of Early Pregnancy

Another problem is that Kim was used to dressing to accentuate her small waist, and usually did it really well. Now that that's gone, she seems lost and confused and making misguided attempts to camouflage her "problem areas" by drawing more attention to them. "Oh, I know, I'll wear all these feathers. A plume of something is always flattering."

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Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian Has No Idea What to Wear in That Awkward Stage of Early Pregnancy

This one seems like it was Kanye's fault.

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Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian Has No Idea What to Wear in That Awkward Stage of Early Pregnancy

On a recent trip to Brazil, Kim liked this outfit so much she wore it in two different colors. Not only was she wearing Spanx (why bother when you're pregs?), she also wore heels on a walking tour. I mean, whatever floats her boat, you know, but that seems like a lot of discomfort for something that's not even a good look anyway. Also, did you know that Kanye is moonlighting as a Thai masseuse at a day spa?

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Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian Has No Idea What to Wear in That Awkward Stage of Early Pregnancy

Kim: Yes?
Everyone: No.
Kim: No?
Everyone: No!

Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian Has No Idea What to Wear in That Awkward Stage of Early Pregnancy
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But it hasn't been all bad. Here are some examples that demonstrate Kim's potential. When she's not trying to look like a sexpot, she actually does.

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DISCUSSION

I am very surprised at how large she's gotten so early in her pregnancy. I have a very pregnant friend (she's supposed to pop about, oh, NOW), and I asked her if she could really eat whatever she wants—"eating for two," as they say. She said no, that's not the case, that you only need an extra 300 CALORIES a day!!! That's only a candy bar! One measly candy bar!

I know that Kim is a curvy girl, but as a celebrity with all that money (with a personal chef and trainer, no less!) and one who is OBSESSED with her image, I feel like she's really taken that "eating for two" mantra to heart WAY too early in her pregnancy.

I see a Weight Watchers endorsement in her future.

Oh wait. I just realized what she's doing. When has Kim EVER passed up an opportunity to pimp herself out (the Kardashian Kard, anyone?).

Smart move, Kiki.