It's Rihanna's Birthday, and Nothing Else Really Matters

Illustration for article titled Its Rihannas Birthday, and Nothing Else Really Matters
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris / Getty Staff

In honor of her birthday today, Pisces queen Robyn Rihanna Fenty is blessing her legions of fans with a gift (and no, it isn’t her album, don’t be ridiculous)—a free highlighter duo. Well, free with the purchase of $50 of Fenty Beauty products, you all know how capitalism works by now.

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Despite the fact that some of her fans will never let her forget that it’s been over four years since she released any new solo music, Rihanna has kept herself plenty busy. Just in the past year, she has appeared on approximately 100,000 magazine covers, starred in Guava Island, released a film of her Savage x Fenty fashion show, and, no big deal, launched her own luxury fashion brand. I know everyone wants the follow-up to ANTI, but it’s not like she’s neglecting us here.

According to E!, Rihanna celebrated her birthday in Mexico with her friends and family:

“Rihanna is having a birthday celebration in Mexico. She invited her friends and family down to celebrate turning 32 with her,” a source tells E! News. “They had a dinner party on Wednesday night with dinner and dancing. Everyone was welcomed to the party with a line of mariachis performing and Tequila shots passed around.”

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Happy birthday to Rih, may she have many more years of blessing us with perfect looks and taking her wine glasses to-go. [Page Six]


Truly, an icon.


According to Chris Pratt, objectively The Worst Hollywood Chris, the Icelandic glacier where he shot his upcoming movie was also the site of a terrible accident many decades ago. Pratt, who is best known for being an actor who used to be very funny and now is buff and boring, claims the frozen remains of a couple who disappeared decades ago were discovered just weeks before the film crew arrived on the glacier last November.

“They had been there for over 80 years, and sadly, they didn’t make it. They were fully preserved in their glacier hiking clothes from 1930 or 1940. They had their supplies and rations. They were lovers and they fell down in a hole and just went missing and just recently were found,” Pratt said.

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It seems like Pratt thinks this story is tragically romantic, when in actuality it is terrifying and worrisome. Hazard pay, anyone?

“Isn’t that wild?” [Pratt] added before quipping, “Thankfully, we got out and nobody fell in any holes … that we’re reporting.

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This joke is so bad (and potentially tasteless) that it makes me want to force 2020 Chris Pratt down with 2014 Chris Pratt just so he can apologize for letting his career go so far down this awful path.

(Also, while an occurrence like this is definitely possible, local police could not confirm Pratt’s claims.) [Page Six]

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  • Joaquin Phoenix went to a slaughterhouse and saved a cow. [TMZ]
  • Less than three weeks after breaking up with Pamela Anderson, producer Jon Peters is engaged. [Us]
  • Olivia Jade just wants to return to her “normal routine.” [Us]

Freelance writer who loves sandwiches, astrology, & fighting on the internet.

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DISCUSSION

While you are all celebrating Rihanna this month on purpose make sure you check your statements in the coming months and that you haven’t accidentally signed up for the monthly ‘celebration.’