For Chris Evans's Birthday, Jezebel Updated Its Ranking of Hollywood Chrises

Illustration for article titled For Chris Evanss Birthday, Jezebel Updated Its Ranking of Hollywood Chrises
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It’s Captain America’s birthday today, and Jezebel has decided to take a moment and reevaluate our ranking of the most famous white Chrises in Hollywood. For two years, Pine has easily held onto his Number 1 spot because of his piercing stare, the gentle but comforting slope of his jawline, and his boyishly floppy hair. There is also the fact that Pine has managed not to be cast in the Avengers movies, when last year, all three of the other Chrises appeared in Infinity War, which docked them all significant points.

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While it’s unlikely that Pine will be unseated in our lifetime, Evans has nicely moved up in the list of Hollywood Chrises, in no small part because of how much better he looks with a beard. Jezebel also has to consider the sassy Chris Evans memes, which are multiple and hilarious; Evans himself posted a video stitching some together on his Instagram, which shows he has a sense of humor (that’s important).

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After careful deliberation, we decided that the evidence clearly calls for an update to the Chrises ranking:

  • Chris Pine
  • Chris Evans
  • Chris Hemsworth
  • Chris Pratt

Not a great year for Hemsworth, although I loved him as a befuddled Thor in Avengers: Endgame. It’s not easy to stay on top. But as always, Chris Pratt is Number 4, and that’s where he will be for all of time.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

*slams fist on table* NO! You move Pine down, not Hemsworth! God, it’s like you people didn’t even see Thor: Ragnarok!!!!!

*as she’s dragged out by cops* CHRIS PINE USES FILLERS!!!!!