It's Horny Time for Prince Harry

Despite the lawsuit he has leveled against the British press, the alleged feud with his brother, or even the aftermath of a far-reaching private airplane scandal: Prince Harry is fucking horny. He admitted as much while visiting with military families Wednesday, where he chatted up the men and women about what it was like to have a second child. Susie Stringfellow, one of those wives, told Forces Network after the visit: “We were trying to encourage him to have a second baby.”

There is nothing wrong with a horny husband. Personally, I enjoy the experience immensely. But I am neither an incredibly rich prince with a proclivity for private planes or an incredibly rich duchess so fatigued by the forces of the British press she’s contemplating moving to California to escape them. I also do not know what it like to have an uncle photographed with Jeffrey Epstein, or a television show about my grandmother that features a plot-line concerning her Nazi relatives. Horny is good, but is it a good time for horny? I’m not so sure.

I’d also like to hear Meghan speak. Is she horny? Unclear! When interviewed by ITV News in August, the duchess seemed incredibly tired.

Horny people can also be tired! But this looks like the sort of tired where you willingly wear the same dog-hair encrusted sweatshirt for days, convincing yourself the dry shampoo coating your hair is unnoticeable to the bodega man who’s selling you a jumbo box of Cheez-its for the third time that week. She is also sad, the weight of the press she’s received clearly painted across her face. Sad people can also be horny. I would even say I’m more horny when I’m sad! But is Meghan Markle horny? Again, it’s unclear.

If only scientists could find a way to harness horny energy—as it’s probably the only endlessly renewable energy source found in nature. (I’m not a scientist, but it feels true.) Anyways, let’s wish the couple all the best as they navigate this new, post-baby horny landscape!