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Is He Even That Rich?

Illustration for article titled Is He Even That Rich?
Image: Getty

Scarlett Johansson has been engaged to Staten Island’s number one frat boy Colin Jost for a few short months. The American people have not seen proof of this engagement until now. Buckle up! We’ve got a picture of the ring. Ready to see the ring? The RING. Let’s see it.

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According to Page Six, Johansson “debuted” the ring at a panel at Comic Con on July 20, which is to say that she wore the ring and little other jewelry, and allowed the ring to be photographed by the paps. As befitting a celebrity who is engaged to another, lesser, celebrity, it’s a big ring. Big honker. Let’s take a gander.

BIG BOY COMIN THRU
BIG BOY COMIN THRU
Image: Getty
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At first glance, all I see is a giant rock suspended on a thin band, clinging to ScarJo’s hand for dear life. Notice the way her ring finger hews to the middle—a natural position for a hand, but also the position assumed by someone wearing a $400,000 ring so large and in charge that it is maybe in danger of slipping off her hand and tumbling into an open sewer, the toilet, or a complimentary basket of gluten-free muffins backstage.

Page Six notes that the ring itself was most likely designed by James de Givenchy, nephew of designer Hubert, for jewelry company Taffin. It’s unusual in its design, way too large, and also... unsettling? Here’s a closer look.

Something about the shape evokes a cockroach’s carapace or perhaps a very shiny nugget of pooh. It’s a brown diamond, which is why it’s uh, brown, but the practicality of wearing an engagement ring the width and length of a particularly rotund toddler’s thumb is questionable at best. The ring’s price, too, causes concern. Does Colin Jost make that money like that? Sure, or maybe he did what the commercials say, and saved three months’ salary so that he could buy this big boy for his chosen wife.

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I understand that for some (most?) people, an engagement ring is not only a physical representation of your love, but also a status symbol meant to convey the kind of bride you fancy yourself to be. I am not quite sure what to make of what Scarlett Johansson is projecting via this honker, but I’m willing to entertain every and any opinion under the sun. Good luck to Scarlett and congrats to her swole left finger, surely buff from the effort expended by lifting its heavy cargo.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

matisyahuserius
MatisyahuSerious

I understand that for some (most?) people, an engagement ring is not only a physical representation of your love, but also a status symbol meant to convey the kind of bride you fancy yourself to be.

in this case, i believe it is meant to represent the mythological cleaving of the race of urskeks, resulting in the creation of the malevolent skeksis and the gentle mystics. but fear not, when colin and scarlet are united in matrimony by the chosen gelfling, order will be restored again to the land of thra.

so sayeth aughra, so sayeth we all.