In Prison Fashion, There Can Be Only One Victor: Martha Stewart vs. Felicity Huffman

Illustration for article titled In Prison Fashion, There Can Be Only One Victor: Martha Stewart vs. Felicity Huffman
Image: Getty

Today I bring you the tiniest Unwrapping the Beef in franchise history, but surely one of the most delicious—like the smallest smoked sausage roll on Christmas Day.

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After photos emerged of Felicity Huffman, barely into her 14-day sentence at a jail in Dublin, CA—punishment for her involvement in the ongoing College Admissions Scandal—Martha Stewart had some strong opinions. (Shocking, I know.) While speaking to a crowd at the Vanity Fair summit in Los Angeles on Tuesday, Stewart said her piece on Huffman, deadpanning, “Well, she should style her outfit a little bit more. She looked pretty schlumpy,” adding that, “She made a horrible mistake, and she’s experiencing what happens.”

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As you may recall, when Stewart was found guilty of four counts of obstructing justice and lying to investigators about a well-timed stock sale, and was sentenced to five months in a West Virginia prison back in 2004, she managed to knit herself a poncho. It became part of her image while she was briefly incarcerated—an emblem of white lady, white collar crime. But is it any more “schlumpy” than Huffman wearing her uniform up to code?

Who wore prison fashion better? Martha Stewart and her hand-knit sweater poncho...

Illustration for article titled In Prison Fashion, There Can Be Only One Victor: Martha Stewart vs. Felicity Huffman
Image: Getty

...Or Felicity Huffman’s stylish green jumpsuit? Monochromatic pant and shirt combo? Is this Carhartt?

I prefer Huffman’s look by a mile, but Stewart’s shady comments should be awarded some points. I look forward to hearing Felicity’s rebuttal when she emerges from prison in, like, a week. What a cushy sentence.

Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out now.

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DISCUSSION

ceeces
TheMeanestSnowflake

Actually (and I’m embarrassed that I remember this, so no need to shame me), the poncho picture is from Stewart leaving prison and the poncho was crocheted for her by a fellow inmate, so wearing it out of the jail was kind of a solidarity moment?

I know. I’m just freaking sad. But if I was ever going to do time, I would have wanted to do it with Martha back in the day.