In Memoriam: Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas, the Perfect Tabloid Couple

Illustration for article titled In Memoriam: Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas, the Perfect Tabloid Couple
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The era of Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas has come to a close, and what an era it’s been!

Somehow the pair best encapsulated what it meant to be a pandemic couple, due in part to the fact that their relationship (as far as we know) lived and died between March 2020 and this week. But Affleck and de Armas were given to other pandemic-specific couples’ behavior, too, seeming to participate in what I’ve termed “relationship accelerationism,” the practice of rushing through the intermediary steps of dating and jumping right to the serious stuff, like moving in together, which the two did in December—apparently to little success. The fast-tracked relationship has always been typical of celebrities, but I digress!

People reports that de Armas was the one to break it off with Affleck, primarily because their relationship was too “complicated,” one source told the outlet. Another source, however, tells us that the break-up was mutual.

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“They are in different points in their lives; there is deep love and respect there,” the source said. “Ben continues to want to work on himself. He has three jobs lined up and he’s a solid father at home. They are both happy with where they are in their lives.”

However much they may mourn the end of their relationship in the coming days and weeks, I feel fairly certain it will not approach the degree to which the paparazzi will. Despite their (understandable) frustration with the paps—remember when de Armas put up that cardboard cut-out of herself on her front lawn?—BenAna were the Platonic ideal of a tabloid couple. They perfectly performed celebrity, even as the category “celebrity” began to lose its sheen during the pandemic.

They took daily walks with their dogs, participated in more than their fair share of PDA, house-hunted, and did weird things like hug like this, allowing for hours of dissection:

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These moments were meticulously collected by the Ana de Armas stan account @ArmasUpdates, which now effectively functions as a chronology of their relationship from start to finish.

Remember when the pair went Instagram official? Remember when de Armas wore that $2,600 white Gucci jumpsuit on a walk? What about the time they wore matching heart necklaces?

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It was a good run!

Night blogger at Jezebel with writing at The Baffler, The Nation, The New Republic, Vice, and more.

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DISCUSSION

defuandefwink
DefuanDefwink

Why do beautiful young women gravitate towards middle-aged dipshits with three children and giant back tattoos?  So many red flags...maybe for both of them..?