I Only Promised to Stay 'Til the Wind Changed: Goodbye, My Friends

In August of last year, I emailed my friend, the awesome Katie J.M. Baker, to see about pitching a story to Jezebel. I’d just been laid off from a job at Google and was looking to do something a little less… Googley. She emailed back saying they were looking for an evening editor and would I be interested? Hell yes, I would be interested.

Writing at Jezebel has been the best experience of my professional life. For any of you who enjoy the
“Those We’ve Lost” montage at the Oscars and/or Hunger Games, please join me on an exhaustive trip of my favorite pieces: I’ve gotten to write goofy stuff, more serious things, quote my very quotable mom, talk about Anthropologie and Mod Cloth (my two favorite things to talk about), share more squees than you can shake a(n alive!) puppy at, and also once paid to drink flights of water like an asshole. Plus, I’ve gotten to talk shit on kombucha. I’VE LIVED, Y’ALL.

I’ve also gotten to work with so many bright, wonderful, and ridiculously talented women and men. I especially cannot thank Jessica Coen enough for taking a chance on me and teaching me so much. I’ve gotten to a point where I can write 8-10 articles a night and still fall asleep at a reasonable hour. (Playing Candy Crush — thanks for that too, Jessica!)

But, I’ll miss you guys, the readers and commenters, most of all. Because I work after all the other Jezzies have gone home, you’ve become my coworkers, in a way. I’ve learned a tremendous amount from you bad-ass bunch of brilliant weirdos. You’ve taught me so much, made me legit lol on so many occasions, and pissed me off and made me think, question, and become stronger in the best ways. When people say not to read the comments, I’m always roll my eyes — on Jezebel, that’s often where the best stuff is. (Well, there and GroupThink.) Thank you so much for all of that.

As for what else is next, I’ll still be contributing to Jezebel because I can’t quit you completely, and you can find me at Cosmopolitan.com on weekends, too (come say hi!!). AND/OR you can follow me on Twitter, if you want. It’s a lot of talking about my dogs and my bowel movements. Also, just like me, you, and everyone we know, I’m in LA trying to write for TV, so, uh, hire me for your show and I WILL WRITE YOU SO MUCH GOOD STUFF. I’ve got stories in me, people. And only half of them will end with me screaming about the patriarchy. Promise.

As for my replacement, I think you’ll be into her. <3 Goodbye forever/until my next contributor post in a couple weeks/xoxo
Gossip Laura

p.s. two more things — If you ever need me to come fuck shit up for you, please feel free to call up these two GIFs. (thanks to HaiThar and my buddy Wayne!)