I Cannot Believe I Am Yas Queening Joe Biden

Illustration for article titled I Cannot Believe I Am Yas Queening Joe Biden
Image: Alex Wong (Getty Images)

Perhaps the bar has been set very low, after four long years of watching an egomaniac fuck over the American people at every opportunity. But today, while reading an overview of Joe Biden’s proposed economic stimulus plan, I couldn’t help but wonder: Is this what it’s like to have a president that cares about the country? It’s been so long since a political man took my needs and wants into consideration that I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be economically stimulated in that way.

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But alas, it’s a long road between right now and actual plans coming to fruition so there is plenty of time for things to fail. Though Biden won’t reveal his full proposal until a Thursday evening address, some of the good stuff is already available. The stimulus plan will cost $1.5 trillion and reportedly includes a “commitment to $1400 stimulus checks,” financial boosts for underserved minority communities, a push on vaccine distribution, money to help reopen schools, and cash infusion sent directly to states to aid in the prevention of teacher layoffs.

It all sounds so, how can I describe it? Grounded in reality. Almost as if it were put together by a group of people with knowledge of the situation on the ground, as opposed to one person who wants to build an extremely expensive and useless wall.

Are we on the cusp of having a good president? Is this foreign sensation in my chest cavity what some have referred to as hope? [HuffPost]


It seems that Melania Trump has no intention of lifting a finger in the final weeks of her reign as First Lady. Mrs. Trump has been eerily silent recently—most notably during the insurrection at the Capitol, which she spent photographing some furniture. But it isn’t just the general public she’s been shunning, it’s also her successor. A source close to the First Lady told CNN that Melania hasn’t made any contact with Jill Biden, to welcome her or acknowledge her new role. This couples with the behavior of both Trumps, who will not be attending the inauguration, and does not bode well for that whole peaceful transfer of power thing.

Along with ignoring her replacement, Melania has also failed to announce any plans for the future. CNN reports, “she hasn’t established an office for continuing her platform in the post-White House years,” instead, choosing to sulk quietly until she no longer has to deal with meeting the expectations of First Ladyhood. Can’t say she’ll be missed once she’s gone! [CNN]


  • Trump and Steve Bannon are friends again, planning to hug it out at the next Klan meeting. [Bloomberg]
  • A melange of singers will be performing at Joe Biden’s inauguration. Jennifer Lopez will also be there. [Politico]
  • Darren Aronofsky is definitely Yang Gang. [Vulture]
  • Nancy Pelosi plans on fining lawmakers who refuse to go through the newly installed metal detectors at the Capitol. [HuffPost]
  • The entire National Mall will be shut down on inauguration day because we don’t know how to have nice things. [The Hill]
  • Jamie Harrison has been appointed chairman of the DNC. [New York Times]
  • The Biden administration commits to a plan that will give New York $2 billion in covid relief. Cuomo and De Blasio will compete in a cage match over who gets the credit for that money. [New York Post]
  • Where is this bust of Abraham Lincoln going? [Twitter]

DISCUSSION

enoughalreadywithforuming
So That Happened

It’s okay, Dr. Biden already knows where everything is. There is literally nothing of use that Melania Trump has to say. To anyone.