Melania Skipped the Coup In Favor of the Important Task of Photographing Fancy Furniture

As you have probably heard and read a quadrillion times by now, Wednesday night rioters overtook the Capitol and it was pretty fucking wild. The Vice President, some members of Congress and their staff were evacuated over safety concerns while others were trapped inside the building, donning gas masks and hiding behind bulletproof desks. But where was the First Lady when her neighborhood was literally on fire?

She was safe and sound inside the White House coordinating a photo shoot of some furniture. Melania is reportedly working on a coffee table book about some of the very nice furniture she’s used to decorate the Residence and January 6th, a date that had been floating around on right-wing chat rooms for a few months, seemed like the perfect moment to snap a few pics of some rugs and curtains. Not only did Melania keep herself busy during the first stage of Democracy’s downfall, but she also hasn’t said a single word about the riots since.

One White House insider told CNN that the First Lady is suffering from a case of senioritis explaining, “she just isn’t in a place mentally or emotionally anymore where she wants to get involved.” I, too, would love to not be involved in this country any longer, for the sake of my mental and emotional wellbeing. But alas, if I check out who buy Melania’s photobook? [CNN]

Remember when Hillary was running for president and assholes were making jokes that they didn’t want a woman with all her ramped up PMS hormones having access to the nuclear launch button? Well joke’s on them, because what we have now is a completely unhinged fucking crybaby with access to the nuclear launch button. How you like them apples?

Nancy Pelosi, decidedly, does not like them apples and has asked the Joint Chiefs if more could be done to prevent Trump from summoning nuclear weapons or performing any other military acts in his last few days as Commander in Chief. In a letter outlining her conversation she referred to Trump as “unstable” and “unbalanced.” Granted, the president can’t legally just launch a nuke at any given moment and top military leaders can refuse the command if they believe it is illegal. However judging by how things have been going this last year, it would be silly to put complete trust in a few people telling the president that he can’t do something. [Politico]

Democrats intend to add “inciting insurrection” to the articles of impeachment against Donald Trump. Impeachment: 2 Fast 2 Furious is expected to drop on Monday. [ABC News]
Republican senators feel bad that they didn’t do more to speak out against Trump after their lives were threatened by Trump followers. [The Hill]
Trump lawyer Sidney Powell is being sued over election fraud claims for $1.3 billion dollars and I have not stopped laughing since I heard the news. [Bloomberg]
Representative Jamaal Bowman has introduced a bill to investigate whether or not members of the Capitol police have ties to white supremacist groups. Should be a quick investigation. [Mother Jones]
The FBI has released a photo of a suspect in connection with the explosives found at the Capitol. [New York Post]
I bet you did not see this one coming, Donald Trump says he will not attend the inauguration. [Vox]
Betsy DeVos and Elizabeth Warren are beefing. [Twitter]
Reddit has banned the r/donaldtrump subreddit. Do y’all want a cookie? [Forbes]