Chris Pratt Got Some Piglets for His Birthday & Claims He Will Not Eat Them, But Trust No One

Not that you need to hear more/anything about Chris Pratt on this day of days, but for some reason there is much news of the least good Chris today, including this: Pratt is now the proud owner of piglets? He says he will not eat them, which is EXACTLY what I say about my roommate’s cereal, so we shall see.

People reports that Katherine Schwarzenegger gave her new husband two little Wilburs for his birthday. He named them Tim and Faith (after Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, hm) and wrote a lengthy Instagram post about how excited he was to “watch them grow,” which doesn’t sound at all like someone thinking about a tasty pork sandwich, no way, no sirree, no how.

“[N]o they will not be bacon!” Pratt wrote, with the assurance of someone who does not have a crush on that person, no matter how much they blush when they are addressed. “They will spend their entire lives thriving at the farm, until they pass naturally many, many years from now.”

WE SHALL SEE. Speaking of pigs, has anyone heard mention of Piggy Smalls lately? I’m quite worried.