ZAYN, also known as Zayn Malik, born Zain Javadd Malik, was low-key always the hottest and most talented singer in One Direction. He simply lacked Harry Styles’ divine charisma, and as the only member of color, he was brushed aside and regaled for his “mysterious persona,” a racially-loaded identity that deserved more interrogation in the group’s heyday. It should surprise no one that he was the first one to quit the boy band before the final fracturing took place, and when he emerged a soloist, something amazing happened: he was kinda cool. He still is sort of cool, even if his songs have begun declining in quality. (I don’t know if he’ll ever become “drop shrooms at the recording studio”-level cool, but I have faith.) What is not cool is his merchandise, which includes a pastel pink graphic muscle tee emblazoned with the words, “OUR SEX HAS MEANING” in all caps. (See above.) If I didn’t know any better, I would say a virgin wrote this.
However, could it be that this wack workout shirt is so bad it’s...... good? Is it safe to say that 2020 will introduce a post-ironic world, and I must wear this with sincere pride? At the very least, it is obviously a hilarious gift to give the Directioner in your life (we’re still here, and waiting), and I would be so thrilled if someone purchased this for me. I mean, for $35? That’s a steal.
Mom, I hope you’re reading this.