The 55th annual Academy Of Country Music Awards aired Wednesday night, taped at the esteemed and very, very vacant Grand Ole Opry in Nashville, Tennessee. I know it was very, very vacant because all of the images from the event seem to have been taken by the same dude from dizzying heights, so the biggest names in music appear short with elongated foreheads. No matter; I applaud them all for actually getting glam and putting on suits and gowns when the rest of us barely manage to change our sweatpants every three days, even though the fits were largely chaotic.
Take, for example, the lovely and talented CAM, photographed above. Her pastel butterfly frock is gloriously early 2000s, something Carrie Bradshaw would no doubt wear to a simple coffee date, but it is also... insane? Daring might be the more accurate description here, but why the whimsy? There’s no time for whimsy in 2020. I feel nothing!
Carrie Underwood wore a sequined black gown with BDSM-esque, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider-channeling thigh belts. I only wish she had leaned more into that goth-y mommy spirit and maybe included a knife holster—live a little!—but I take it she’s trying to deplete her “edge” supply before focusing on her forthcoming Christmas album. I guess I get it. She looks good. Her hair is high, possibly in an attempt to get closer to god.
Look, I know Darius Rucker has been married for decades, but the man knows how to wear a suit, even if he doesn’t know how to stand on a star, and I’m not dead yet. He looks handsome as hell.
I... don’t know what’s happening here with this Maren Morris outfit, but it’s autumn now and there’s no reason for the neon trend to continue. The cut of this dress is super boring in a Fashion Nova evening look kind of way, albeit flattering, and is that a rosary she’s clutching? Look, the fit is chaotic, but, once again, she’s extremely hot, so I guess she can get away with it. Also, as a new mom being forced to get dressed and go out on the town, if this were a game, she’d win on principle.
Is Keith Urban wearing snow boots? What is going on down there? The rest of his look screams “aging mid-00s emo father,” and he’s far too rich to want to relive the glory days of Warped Tour. Next!
Lauren Alaina is an adorable lil’ holiday present come early in a dark blue floor-length number that may align with Pantone’s 2020 color of the year, so I can’t fault her. The bow is a bit extra, but purposeful, and she’s committing to it. It’s not inspired, but it is beautiful, and sometimes that is enough. Other singers, take note!