Please: light a candle, lean back, and close your eyes. You are standing on a beach adjacent to a Sandals resort, dehydrated and frantically looking for the inhaler stored inside your missing luggage. A crowd of angry millennials swarms nearby. Above the horde, a sweaty, dark-haired figure emerges, balancing atop an overturned port-a-potty. “Uhhhhhhhh,” he announces confidently.
Would you have sex with Billy McFarland, a highly self-assured music festival organizer who had a difficult time “trying to build a city from day one”?
To help you make this crucial call, I asked some Gizmodo Media Group staffers to weigh in.
Rich Juzwiak: Ugh ugh ugh. I think I would.
Aimee Lutkin: I would. But only if he were to spend some of his ill gotten gains on me and we could do it on a yacht or something. Or maybe if we did it right before the authorities swarmed the yacht and they dragged him away naked. That’d be a story I could someday tell my grandkids.
Sophie: His animorph would be a beluga whale.
Julianne Escobedo Shepher: Ew absolutely not.
Rich: I love whales.
Madeleine Davies: Maybe for money. Otherwise not. And it would have to be money upfront because he’d probably try to scam me.
Rich: I feel like it’s way easier for a guy to have sex with a douchebag unscathed, even though I know it’s a terrible thing to do for our overall ecosystem. Sorry ladies, I’m a bad feminist.
Julianne: For my part there are PLENTY of douchebags I would bone but this guys is just deeply unattractive to me.
Rich: I temped at an insurance agency the summer after my junior year in Philly and one of the sons looked like this. And I wanted him then even if I was too scared to say those words.
Clover: Would not because he has a problem with “basic infrastructure.”
Kate Dries: If he had a good personality.
Rich: I’m so hectic inside over this.
Rae Paoletta: *Simon Cowell voice* it’s a no for me.
Emma Carmichael: Ellie — I would not, thanks.
Rich: I WOULD but I probably wouldn’t (but I would, sorry).
Keenan Trotter: I’ve read about Magnises, Fyre Festival, and his other company whose name I can’t remember, and none of them have altered the reality that, yes, I would. Repeatedly. Perhaps this is why people keep investing in his companies. In which case, maybe I am part of the problem.
Keenan: We’d hang out in his bizarre West Village townhouse and wake up every day at 11 am with no memory of the prior day.
Keenan: I feel like he would treat me right.
Please let me know where you stand by taking this poll.
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Last time on Would U?, Would U correspondent stand-in Brendan O’Connor asked: Would you have sex with Tim Kaine’s woke son? Brendan didn’t know how to make a poll, so we will never know the answer.
