Who the Hell Is Going to Buy This Royal Wedding China? (Maybe Me?????) 

The BBC reportedly doesn’t want Princess Eugenie’s wedding to Jack Brooksbank, but the monarchist show must go on! Hence the palace has rolled out the commemorative English fine bone china, emblazoned with the couple’s monogram.

People reported that the Royal Collection Trust (basically, the body that takes care of the Windsors’ giant collection of fancy stuff) debuted the line today: “The set includes a miniature teacup and saucer ($33), pillbox ($38), tankard ($51) and coaster ($26), all carrying the coronet of Princess Eugenie, along with the couple’s entwined monogram. The tankard features their individual monograms painted on each side.”

Unsurprisingly, I am a self-confessed fine china bitch. I own multiple items of porcelain collected here and there, because their patterns were pretty and delicate, little pieces of beauty in this fallen world. And I must admit that this pattern is extremely attractive; “The garlands of ivy are woven with traditional English wild bluebells, forget-me-nots and the white rose of York.” Wild bluebells AND ivy! Extremely my shit! And the tea towel is beautiful!

That having been said: There is no better illustration of the absurdity of “modern monarchy” than the prospect of paying £39.00 for a fine bone china tankard commemorating the elaborate wedding of somebody who is, basically, a rando.

Nice present for anybody you know with the initials “EJ,” though!