I don’t think anyone was really asking, “What is Lindsay Lohan up to?” Save for Lindsay Lohan of course, who would like everyone to know she is definitely up to something. But what? I guess these are the questions she’d like me to be asking!
On Twitter, earlier, Lohan “previewed” a new single, which mostly entailed a heavily filtered video montage on an old television, playing out various glimpses into her many scandals and public appearances. The television then explodes, and a smiling emoji flickers in and out of view before the video goes black. Okay! Seems like her management team wanted this whole ordeal to be slightly mysterious.
If you click through the link embedded in her tweet, you are directed to a Spotify landing page urging you to “pre-save Lindsay Lohan’s new single!” So, whatever it is, she’s probably releasing new music.
Last summer, Lohan posted a photo on Instagram of herself in a recording studio, informing fans she was “hard at work.” Then, in August, a preview of her alleged first single, “Xanax,” was passed around Twitter. She’s heard singing—although, I’d describe it more as talking—the lyrics: “I don’t like the parties in L.A.” Relatable, because I don’t either! By September, she released the full song exclusively on... Instagram!
However, there’s no telling if whatever new song is coming will sound anything like “Xanax.” Perhaps that, too, will become another one of Lohan’s many, many, many failed projects, which have included: a beach club, a reality television show about the beach club, a club inside the exclusive Dubai locale “The World,” a clothing line, and a judging stint on The Masked Singer: Australia.
My guess is that this new single is something else entirely. So what, exactly, will it sound like? Hopefully, it’s another “Rumors,” which is a perfectly O.K. pop song that still manages to be fun 15 years after the fact. It’s also timely, considering the lyrics:
Why can’t you just let me
Do the things I wanna do?
I just wanna be me!
I don’t understand why
Would you wanna bring me down,
If I’m only having fun?
I’m going live my life!”
Alternatively, it might sound more like “Drama Queen (That Girl),” the original song for her Disney movie, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Do you think she ever looks back and wonders about the extremely inappropriate dynamic between her character and the alcohol-soaked rocker Stu? Which executive green-lit that particular script decision? Anyway, the song is still a hit, regardless of its dubious origin.
If the teaser clip is anything to go by, I suspect her new sound will be significantly less pop-y. Imagine if she unleashed another “Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)”? Seems likely!
Anyway, who really knows with Lohan. One day we will be wondering about her new single, and the next we will be hearing her new single. The day after that she will jet off to some European locale to open another beach club, before posting various videos of herself on Instagram harassing immigrant women or dancing in a gas station parking lot. Her music, like her life itself, is extremely unpredictable!