Image: Getty

Love is in the air. But not just any kind of love—it’s the kind of love that is so deep, so all-consuming, so desperate for validation that it can only propel itself to greater and gaudier displays of affection, louder and clearer declarations of itself, until it reaches its logical conclusion: the quickie celebrity engagement.

Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin have nary a month of dating between them, but love, as they say, is lit. Katharine McPhee and David Foster, meanwhile, have more years between them (both in age gap and in time together), but their engagement might just be the most ill-thought-out of them all.

DirtCast is not one to judge people’s life choices… much. But we do have one piece of advice for these celebrities throwing themselves headlong into the jaws of matrimony: Think about it. Sure, let your girlfriend of two months/fiancée of one wear your late father’s FDNY badge, the “most precious thing [you] own.” Get permanent hallmarks of your love inked onto your 24-year-old skin, why not? Spend two weekends making out around Brooklyn then fly to the Bahamas. You wanna let Jesus through his Holy Spirit guide you in everything you do and every decision you make? Knock yourself out!

But just… think about it, okay?

As food for all that thinking you’re about to do, Madeleine and Megan take stock of the marital outcomes of some of Hollywood’s wildest whirlwind engagements: Angie and Billy Bob, Pamela and Tommy, Mariah and Nick, Britney and Kevin, Katy and Russell, JLo and Marc, Renée and Kenny, Khloe and Lamar, Kim and Kris, Rob and Black Chyna. Bad news for the newly betrothed: The odds are most certainly not in your favor.

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DirtCast can be found on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, Google Play, NPR Oneand iHeart Media.

This episode was produced by Rachel Withers. Mandana Mofidi is our Executive Director of Audio. Our theme music is by Stuart Wood. This episode was mixed by Jamie Collazzo.