Wendy Williams Lusts for Larry David (And Is Sorry for Discussing Joaquin Phoenix's Cleft Palate)

Seems like a good time to revisit Jezebel’s most recent Would U poll, in which, as of now, over 2/3 of respondents voted that they would have sex with Larry David in some form (be it in his current corporeal form, or that which he took in 2002). That’s right. Good job. And now the majority of us have a high-profile addition to our tribe: On Thursday’s episode of her talk show, Wendy Williams officially joined the class of Woulds.

Williams recalled meeting David at the 92nd Street Y “a few years ago.” While talking with the wise, lovable grouch, Williams recalled that “all of a sudden, I started to feel my panties drop. I mean, they didn’t but yeah! Yeah!” Intriguing!

“He was just cool as a cucumber,” she remembered. “And he’s older, but you know what? He had a flatty [stomach]…There’s something virile about him…and he seemed like he could dig a black girl.” Experts agree: Larry David is fuckable.

Williams, by the way, said all of this to preface riffing on a TMZ story from a few days ago, in which David was captured scolding autograph hounds (he told them to get another job!) before signing everything they pushed in front of him. Larry David attempting to enforce and then immediately reneging social standards was like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode arc compressed into a few minutes perfect for internet consumption.

Meanwhile, Williams apologized Wednesday on Twitter for comments she made on the January 7 episode of The Wendy Williams Show regarding Joaquin Phoenix.

During a riff on Phoenix’s physical attractiveness, Williams noted that, “When he shaves off his mustache, he’s got a hairline fracture. He’s got one of those, what do you call it? A cleft lip. Cleft palate.” She hooked her finger in her lip to crudely approximate his cleft palate while noting, “I find it to be very attractive.” Be that as it may, Williams received criticism for what many perceived as mockery. As of now, a Change.org petition calling for Williams’s firing has almost 32,000 signatures. Canadian football player Adam Bighill, whose son has a cleft palate, in tweets and elsewhere described Williams’s comments and gesture as bullying.

On Wednesday, Williams responded to Bighill:

But! The Cleft Lip and Palate Association is not having it. The U.K.-based charity told the BBC, “An apology on Twitter really isn’t enough.” I had no idea the CLPA was so unsparing, but now I have no choice but to stan. Good for them for standing their ground.