Watch All the Weird, Awkward and Mesmerizing AMAs Performances

The American Music Awards, which is indeed the most American of all the awards shows, aired on Sunday night.
Taylor Swift won some sort of lifetime achievement award, Iggy Azalea beat Drake and Eminem in the rap category, and that should tell you everything. But let’s continue.

Pitbull hosted the show and what a gracious host he was, with just the right amount of corniness, humor and cultural appeal. There should be a reality show that just features Pitbull hosting events, dinner parties and Bingo nights. Onto the performances…

Taylor Swift opened the show with a pretty blank performance of “Blank Space.” As opening performances go, it was clean and okay, the perfect way to kick off the typically bland AMAs.

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5 Seconds of Summer performed “What I Like About You” and it was a cool story.

Initially I missed this MAGIC! performance of “Rude.” Wyclef Jean shouts out Brooklyn lol and Iggy Azalea lip-syncs along because her whole life is lip syncing.

Selena Gomez was so emotional. You can just feel it, can’t you?

Sam Smith performed “I’m Not the Only One.” He rarely misses the mark vocally in his live sets, so this was the usual.

Under some cool, haunting mood lighting, my weird little sister Lorde did a fantastic, almost supernatural performance of the Mockingjay theme song “Yellow Flicker Beat.”

Iggy Azalea blessed us with “Fancy” and “Beg.” But FIRST things first, she was introduced by T.I, who conceded: “Alright guys, like it or not, women can rap.” Okay, T.I., thanks!

Ariana’s semi-slurred rendition of “Problem” sounded overdone. Love her Weeknd duet “Love Me Harder,” but not their on-stage chemistry.

Charli XCX did “Boom Clap,” “Sucker” and “Break the Rules.”

Nicki Minaj’s performance of her breakup anthem “Bed of Lies” was surprisingly lacking emotion.

When Fergie started rapping “L.A. Love,” that’s when I literally said out loud to myself, “I can’t do this.”

This Mary J. Blige song “Therapy” is everything to everyone, though her vocals were little choppy. And the announcer prefaced her performance by saying the song was “written by Sam Smith.” A great fact, yes, but Mary can stand on her own.

“Start A Fire” is supposed to be some “Bonnie & Clyde” type duet. Christina Milian’s voice was tinny and these two looked incongruent as hell together on stage.