Want to Sit and Drink in The Shower? Prepare to Lose Your Genitals

This literally sounds like it came directly from SAW 45 3D. It is that horrifying.

I’m going to be honest: Sitting down in the shower (in a way that doesn’t include one on the floor and crying) sounds pretty good, but this cautionary tale of bringing chairs where they’re not supposed to go will have you reconsidering. Especially if you or a loved one has testicles.

Uproxx has the story of a man, a plan and a horrifying accident. Uproxx even has a diagram, helpfully provided by the person who suffered the frightening incident. Really, there’s not much I can do to make this story more scarring, so let’s just let the man who experienced it explain what happened when he brought a beer and a chair where they should never be.

After hearing from a friend that sitting in the shower was the best thing ever, I decided to take it to the next level. I brought one of those green plastic patio chairs in the shower with me, accompanied by a good showerbeer. After relaxing for a good 15 minutes, the plastic chair became flexible enough to warp, allowing my testicles to slip through the slots on the seat. I was initially unaware of this, and began to stand up to turn off the shower, and the chair, fastened to my testicles, prevented me from standing. In a moment of panic, pain, and confusion, I tipped the chair over sideways in the shower, which was still secured to my precious scrotum. In order to save myself, I had to orient myself with my back facing the ground, with the bottom of the seat pointing towards the showerhead. I then sat there for 5 minutes, long enough until I could warp the slot with my hands to release the family jewels from captivity.

7/10 would showerchair with showerbeer again

You hear that? 7/10! That means the comfort of sitting and drinking trumps that of pain in the balls. And just in case you don’t believe him, the gentleman has also provided a beautifully drawn diagram. What are those, oil paints?

Actually, this diagram reminds me of when I had to do an art project in ninth grade about Cry, the Beloved Country and I basically did it in MS paint because we had just gotten a printer and then tried to pass it off as acrylics to my teacher because I didn’t think she would be able to tell the difference (it was very high quality paper). Hey, that’s also a 7/10! Would totally do again!