Tyga Supposedly Wants a Threesome With Kylie and Kendall, and I Think I’m Gonna Barf

I’m very sorry for sharing such stomach-churning news with all of you this morning, but as I tried to explain yesterday, the font of non-tragic celebrity news is barely trickling this week. So here I am, with a story reported by an unreliable (though accurate enough for gullible people like myself) tabloid, about Tyga’s desire to have sex with both his girlfriend, Kylie Jenner, and his girlfriend’s older sister, Kendall Jenner.

Doesn’t that make you want to retch? Of course it does. You’re human! Unless of course you’re an alien, in which case I’d like to apologize for giving you such a bleak portrait of our world.

A source told Radar Online:

“She dismissed it as a joke but he’s dead serious... Tyga’s seriously X-rated and he’s worked a real spell on Kylie... She indulges him with a lot of dirty stuff, but it remains to be seen if she’ll go for this, let alone Kendall!”

I really hope Kourtney reads this, gives Kendall/Kylie a call, and says something like, “I know this is 99.99999 percent total bullshit, but in the .000001 chance it isn’t, don’t you fucking dare. Don’t you fucking dare!”

[Radar Online]

In less revolting Calabasas news, Kris Jenner went and did a good thing this week by donating 100 meals to charity on Christmas. She “surprised the good folks [at a local] community outreach program” by calling its director and offering “100 gourmet chef-prepped meals for the homeless.”

Writes TMZ:

We’re told the menu had it all — white truffle mac and cheese, sweet potato soufflé, turkey, ham, braised short ribs, and mashed potatoes. For dessert — pies and cookies.

She didn’t show up to the dinner, but that’s probably because she was too busy making some shit up on a call with Radar Online.

[TMZ]

Plenty of celebrities have posted this on social media, and it’s still overwhelming each time I see it.

• Johnny Manziel is allegedly a sport man but I never see him sport. [Page Six]
  
• “I’m a big believer in transparency.” -Nick Viall on why he told the world he had sex with that one Bachelorette contestant [People]
  
• I’m not sure I can put the eyes emoji in here, so imagine 75 of them. [Daily Mail]
  
• Enjoy content like this while it lasts, because The Daily Mail will turn on Meghan Markle soon enough. [Daily Mail]
  
• Lmao, forever and ever. [Page Six]