Last night's episode took place at the Darling Diva Pageant in Brooklyn. While it wasn't as "glitz" as its Southern counterparts, pushy parents, inappropriate dance moves, and children with weird names were all on hand.
The Darling Diva Pageant in Brooklyn actually lived up to what I envisioned "pageants" to be before I learned that they're mostly held in hotel conference rooms with little to no decorations. This pageant not only had stadium seating and a large stage, but an extensive lighting design that would rival any top-tier high school theatrical performance.
The girl in the clip above is six-year-old Kiannah. This is her first pageant, and, as you can see, she's thrilled.
Her mother entered her into the pageant, but her scary godmother Sarah — whom I can only assume has no little girls of her own — was running the show.
How much did you love the lady's reaction at the dress store when Sarah insulted her goddaughter?
I don't know why, but I felt compelled to do this.
Anyway, I thought it was a great twist that Sarah was living vicariously through a pageant mom. Who would've thought that was an enviable role?
Certainly not this woman.
She's the mother of four-year-old Paige.
Despite the fact that they enter at least one pageant a month, and she coaches her daughter and entices her to do her routines with the use of (wrapped!) presents, Paige's mom insists she's not a "pageant mom." She said, "If anyone called me a pageant mom, I would ignore them."
Except that this is her bumper sticker on her car.
She should get another one that says, "If you can read this, then I will ignore you."
The other girl profiled in the show was six-year-old Essence.
Her name is the only thing really noteworthy about her. Oh, wait. Her talent portion was particularly awesome:
There was a Mardi Gras-themed portion of the pageant, in which the girls wore elaborate costumes, of their own (mothers') creation.
And one 6-year-old wore clear heels. In just 12 more years, the time spent in these shoes could count as "work experience" on a different kind of stage.
Paige dressed up as Carmen Miranda, and I actually have to commend her mother for putting her in a nude suit shirt instead of just having her four-year-old in a bikini.
This girl wasn't featured much, but her intuition that she's better than this, and her lack of even feigning interest really made her shine, in my eyes. Also, where does a baby get off having that kind of definition in her arms?
It was kinda hard to tell who won what, because everyone got at least one trophy and and one crown if not more, as there seemed to be more categories than contestants.
And now I'll leave you with some Essence.