Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where it’s ALL BABIES, ALL THE TIME. Even though Angelina has a “baby bump,” her relationship with Brad’s on the rocks! But that’s nothing compared to what’s up with 16-year-old Ali Lohan, poor baby.
Ok!
“Kendra & Kourtney Talk Baby!”
This is a Kendra and Kourtney: “exclusive.” Hilarious. Margaret says: “There is nothing remarkable here.” Both ladies talk about losing baby weight, blah blah blah. Oh, and there’s a quote from Khloe Kardashian, who would like to have a boy, because there aren’t enough boys in the family. However: She is not pregnant. Also inside: Staged pictures from Jersey Shore stars Sammi and Ronnie’s “romantic” “date” in New York City (see image 7). Brad and Angie aren’t going to the Golden Globes because, a “source” says, Angie knows that everyone will be looking for them to interact with Jennifer Aniston, and “as strong as Angie looks, she’s actually very scared of Jen.” In a sidebar, we learn that it’s been five years since Brad and Jen split; that picture of them on a beach where he’s wearing a shirt with the word “TRASH” was January 6, 2005.
Grade: F, back on academic probation (sewage)
Life & Style
“New Moms’ Baby Diary”
Oh, look! Kendra and Kourtney in an “exclusive.” Again. Margaret notes that these babies have only been alive for a month and have already been on several magazine covers. Yet, we still don’t care about them! Moving on: In a Jersey Shore story, we learn that the entire cast is fighting with Mike “The Situation”: “The tension between Mike and the rest of his housemates was palpable during a recent cast event — especially because Mike arrived almost four hours late after going out the night before and staying out until 8 am.” And eyewitness says: “The cast never said anything, but eyes were rolling.” In case you haven’t figured it out yet, the “cast event” was the cover shoot for Life & Style, and the “eye witness” most likely works for the mag. Next: A KROQ DJ named Jim Trenton claims that Dr. Drew used cocaine recreationally in the early ’80s. (Who didn’t?) Casey Johnson’s death brought Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie back together; they attended a private memorial at Nicky Hilton’s house last week. Paris says: “On such a sad day, it brought a smile to my face to at least have one dear friend back in my life.” Then there’s a story called “Is Tila Tequila Next?” in which an “insider” claims TT is “more disturbed than you can possibly imagine” and “will be next” if she doesn’t get help. Lastly: A picture of Reese Witherspoon with a yoga mat accompanies a piece titled “Reese’s Revenge Body.” An insider says, “She’s been working out nonstop and can’t wait to reveal her killer body.” Was something wrong with her body before? No, but as the insider points out: “She’s not sitting at home stuffing her face with ice cream.”
Grade: F (medical waste)
Us
“Get Thin Fast”
Margaret notes that this story is late, because it’s a new year-type piece which should run the first week of January! Inside, we learn that celebrities lose weight by eating lean protein and vegetables, working out, and dancing on stage while on tour. Also inside: Kate Gosselin hates her new $7,000 hairdo. Says an insider. She thinks her hair looks over-processed and damaged and is afraid people will think she’s one of Tiger Woods’ bimbos. Mady and Cara laughed when they first saw the ‘do, which made Kate run to her bedroom and cry. Next: Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan have broken up. Corgan told a pal, “Our best dates were when we had a distraction, like a sports game. But when that was over, cue the awkward silence.” Are Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson back on? A source says yes: She’s really “wiped out” after A-Rod and she and Owen are talking again. In Tiger Woods news, we learn that right after the Thanksgiving incident, Tiger slept on the floor of his friend’s empty house, because he couldn’t go home and he “couldn’t exactly check into a hotel.” A source who saw the house says it was gutted, “except for an air mattress, some pillows, a TV, snack, a Bug Light, and a golf glove on the floor.” Lastly, a story about Rachel Zoe’s “shocking beach body” has a sidebar claiming that her ex-clients (Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, Jessica Simpson, Keira Knightley) were slimmer when they worked with RZ.
Grade: F (sludge)