Gwyneth Montenegro is the author of 10,000 Men and Counting a harrowing account of one woman's sexual escapades while she was working as an escort. Here at Jezebel, we are nothing if not committed to science, so we asked a statistician to run the numbers on how long that whole thing would take.
Before we begin, I have to let you know a few things:
1. Montenegro's number is 10,091 as of last count. Her book title only mentions 10,000 so we're going to go for the nice round number because the statistician I hired to run the numbers (read: my teaching colleague Liz Scharnetzki) had to go teach a class.
2. The time in the following graphs is measured by how long it would take each man to thrust to completion. According to Web MD, the finest source for diagnosing yourself with inoperable brain cancer when you don't want to visit a doctor, lists the average time a man takes to complete as 5.4 minutes. In general, the range is between one and twenty minutes. We used the average.
3. Less than two minutes is considered premature ejaculation, but we are counting it because it's quite possible that at least some of Montenegro's clients had sexual problems. Also, good for you quick guys! More time to watch TV and nap after.
4. We assumed that Montenegro had slept with each man only once and that she did not participate in orgies (again, because Liz had to go teach a class and just didn't have time for that).
5. Foreplay was not accounted for.
That should be everything, so here's the data, which is raw — just like you shouldn't be when you're having sex with a stranger! Please practice safer sex everyone!
Liz ran the numbers through excel and came up with the following information, which will tell you how long it would take to have sex with 10,000 men if each man lasted the one minute, the average 5.4 minutes, or 20 minutes, which sounds like way too long, really.
Whatever, show us the science, Excel.
Here's how long it would take in days, without interruption:
And here's how long it would take in hours, again with no interruptions.
If you assume that Montenegro had sex with one man per day, that means it would take her over 27 years to complete this feat. But considering that she only worked as an escort for a "drug-fueled" 12 years, we can make the assumption that she had sex with at least two men most days, likely 3-4 on some. And that men/day number grows even larger when you consider that Montenegro likely took vacations — did you know that you can count a vacation as an tax write-off if you spend more days for business than pleasure? — and days off.
So how long does it really take to have sex with 10,000 men? Too fucking long, really. I wouldn't recommend it. Neither would Liz. Before she left to teach the impressionable young minds of tomorrow, she said that she didn't believe that Montenegro had banged 10,000 guys.
"It's anatomically impossible. Your vag would break. It's just science."
Update: Commenters have pointed out that Montenegro might find this helpful.