Two Instagrammers, both alike in dignity, in fair America where we lay our scene, from three-year-old dick runs break to new mutiny, where vaginal footpaths make social media feeds unclean.
All that is to say that two women named Claire are locked in a social media war over who came up with the idea for something called “dick runs.”
Both Dick Run Claires track their genitalia-themed trots on Instagram using GPS trackers. However, after the first Dick Run Claire, a 33-year-old from New Jersey, was profiled in a Vice article this week, a second Claire (featured by Jezebel back in the year of our Lord 2014) has come forward to claim she is the true Dick Run Claire and the other is just an imposter.
Here is an Instagram by the Dick Run Claire featured in the Vice article:
And here is an Instagram posted by the one who calls herself OG Dick Run Claire, true claimant to the dick run throne:
Claire Paisano, the dick runner featured in Vice, told Mashable that there are “a ton of dick runners on Instagram,” and the OG Dick Run Claire is not the original dick runner.
From forth the phallic footpaths of these two foes, a pair of dick-centric Instas are giving me life.
Somebody please make a Road to Dick movie happen.