They Found Love in a Hopeless Place

By Emily Alford | February 18, 2020 | 11:00pm

News Politics

A human being has married Stephen Miller in what does not appear to be an involuntary Princess Bride situation, proving that the rest of us are all, most likely, going to find someone. Miller and Katie Waldman, press secretary for Vice President Mike Pence, are just the two most recent Trump-adjacent people to find love in a hopeless place. As unseemly as it is to imagine, everyone in the Trump White House seems to be boning, according to the New York Times:

“The couples include Stephanie Grisham, the White House press secretary, and Max Miller, the director of the White House advance office, who stepped out to road test their relationship when they attended the state dinner for Australia together last fall. There is also Nick Luna, the president’s body man, and Cassidy Dumbauld, an assistant to Jared Kushner, Mr. Trump’s senior adviser.”

Guests at the wedding were asked not to bring plus ones who might object to babies in jail during the Chicken Dance, and the wedding registry exists somewhere under a false name. Anyone able to provide the tip that leads to the discovery of that registry will get the only two things I have to offer as a staff writer: my gratitude and a promise to publish it. [New York Times]

Most Popular

The improv comedy competition show Whose Line Is It Anyway used to bill itself as the show where “everything’s made up and the points don’t matter,” because there was no real “winner,” just a rotating cast of clowns playacting hypothetical situations. You see where I am going with this.

The rules for who gets to debate during the Democratic primaries have changed once again after Democratic National Committee Chairman Tom Perez decided the rule about candidates meeting fundraising goals to qualify was akin to the Plastic’s rule about sweatpants in Mean Girls. That’s good news for rich guy Michael Bloomberg who finally bought enough ads to drum up the support needed to join Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, Amy Klobuchar, and Pete Buttigieg in a debate cast that keeps adding new players.

The others are probably itching to grill Bloomberg on his history of supporting stop and frisk, which he has tentatively apologized for, and his history of allegedly being real shitty to women, which he says he has learned not to do. Meanwhile, Kellyanne Conway has slithered into the headlines to express shock at Democrats even considering a candidate who’s been accused of so much racism and sexism, since those seem to be the only two areas in which most Americans can agree that the current president is perfectly competent. [Washington Post]

Weddings always make me feel like barfing, this one especially. So let’s get to it:

Stephen Miller’s very-good-at-trolling uncle gave his wedding gift to refugees. [HuffPost]
Mijente is all in for Bernie. [Politico]
While Bloomberg has won the always highly coveted Isaac Mizrahi endorsement. [Isaac Mizrahi Twitter]
Stacey Abrams thinks it’s fine that Mike’s using the fact that he’s loaded to try and win the presidency. She pointed out that “other people are using their dog,” a tactic unfair to Bloomberg, who has only ever met one dog. [ABC News]
Like his mustache, John Bolton’s unpublished book is crummy with secrets. [New York Times]
The census is spending $50 million in an attempt to convince the Latinx community it won’t be used against them. [Politico]
Steyer and Klobuchar aren’t the only candidates who are only dimly aware of Mexico’s existence. [Slate]
Remember Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich, that politician who was convicted of trying to sell Barack Obama’s senate seat? Well, that hardly sounds like a crime to President Trump, which makes Blagojevich the newest member of the increasingly crowded Trump Crime Friend Exoneration Club. [New York Times]