I DON’T WANT THEM PANNIES
Image: Getty

Ed Sheeran, a ginger troubadour with only one song that I will admit to liking (out loud), is auctioning off his personal possessions for charity, including but not limited to this souvenir Heinz ketchup t-shirt, a Gameboy, and, for some reason that I don’t feel great about, roughly 10 pairs of previously-worn, hopefully-clean panties. Who, pray tell, is out here trying to buy multiple pairs of Edward Christopher Sheeran’s pre-worn underpants, and for what reason?

While I do understand that there’s a healthy, thriving market for underpants worn by famous people or hot people, I’m left wondering why one would want to buy a pair of grey briefs that say “sexy bastard” on the waistband. If someone does buy these underpants, what will they do with them? (Please don’t tell me). Will they display them prominently in their home on some sort of shelving unit specifically made for displaying famous people’s underwear? Maybe someone out there is making a boxer-brief quilt, and the missing pieces are these black and royal blue nut-huggers that read IBIZA ROCKS on the waistband. I don’t know anyone else’s life but my own; however, if this is your life, I’m worried.

Page Six reports that the starting bid for the underpants is a measly $26, which is honestly MORE money than I think a pair of worn-but-clean underpants that once hugged the anemic genitals of a singer-songwriter is actually worth. Frankly, for me, the pannies are worth $1, or maybe a $5 and some change and a gum wrapper I found in the couch. Are you going to buy Ed Sheeran’s underpants? What will you do with them if you do?