The Leotards, Sparkles, And Feathers Of Eurovision 2011

The Eurovision Song Contest is in full swing in Düsseldorf, with the Semi-Final taking place tonight. We review the glory that was last night's dress rehearsal.

Aurela Gace of Albania goes with a classic Eurovision look: Shocking hair, metal appliques, a flowing cape, an awkward hemline, and sheer fabric that affords viewers the knowledge that there are no undergarments being worn.

As a man in this contest, it can be difficult to wow the crowd with costumes. Yuksek Sadakat of Turkey seems to understand this, so he compensates by wearing a "masculine" version of a bedazzled bodysuit, while depending on a background dancer-ish person to provide the drama by hatching from a cage egg and spreading some wings.

Unlike Yuksek, Homens Da Luta of Portugal relied on comedy for their costumes—we think?

Daria of Croatia is completely upstaged by Goth Bea Arthur.

Having background dancers can be both a blessing and a curse, as Kati Wolf of Hungary might be realizing, considering that she's standing next to a woman covered in electric labia. Electric Labia is a good riot grrrl band name.

Of course Switzerland would be neutral (read: boring) and wear a freaking watch. Meanwhile, Glen Vella of Malta has made his penis the star of his ensemble, as evidenced by the Barker's Beauties showcasing it.

Emmy of Armenia totally gets it: A theme, customized props, a costume reveal, and a gaggle of male backup dancers.

Nina of Serbia totally wins the cuteness prize. But the thing is, Eurovision isn't about cuteness. It's about Eurotrash. So in that respect, she loses.