Constant exposure to Twitter and The New York Times have left me chronically unable to feel joy, but the closest approximation I can fathom is watching 12 Q-list celebrities attempt to pantomime basic human interactions under twenty-four hour video surveillance for $250k and the thrill of being back on TV.
And the roster for season two of Celebrity Big Brother does not disappoint. That is to say, it is incredibly disappointing, which made for amazing television last time around. Taking the place of season one’s “Trump insider,” Omarosa, is Anthony Scaramucci, who, if you recall, was the White House communications director for 45 minutes what felt like ten years ago.
In the role of “athlete who has absolutely never seen the show” is former NFL running back Ricky Williams. The part of lead villain will hopefully be helmed by Kato Kaelin, and the role of “Huh, I forgot about that person,” will be split into two parts this season, played by Tom Green and Mean Girls actor Aaron Samuels Jonathan Bennett, respectively.
The rest of the cast includes Tamar Braxton, Dina Lohan (!), Ryan Lochte, Joey Lawrence, Lolo Jones, Natalie Eva Marie, and Kandi Burruss. The season debuts on January 21 and ends on February 13, but it’s still all the Valentine I’ll be needing this year.