Tana Mongeau, Dixie D’Amelio, and Other Very Strange Outfits On the Party Circuit This Week

Tana Mongeau, Dixie D’Amelio, and Other Very Strange Outfits On the Party Circuit This Week

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Image: Backgrid

Am I turning into a hater at my old age of 26? Looking on at a sea of canceled Youtubers strutting around the Los Angeles party circuit, I feel nothing but cautionary ambivalence. But I’m still looking on nonetheless. One thing I know for sure? The most notorious people in Tinseltown sure know how to get my attention.

The famous are partying in full force again, likely due to the confusing mess of guidelines this week from the CDC. Instead of turning Hollywood’s full-frontal assaults on Craig’s in West Hollywood into a moral panic, I’d like to turn our attention to the outfits, which really matter more anyway.

To the uninitiated: Craig’s is a restaurant in WeHo that serves a dual function as the primary base for most of Los Angeles’ paparazzi army. If someone wants to get photographed, they go to Craig’s. It’s a very simple concept! These days, the hangers-on mostly consist of Youtubers and TikTokers, because those are the only famous people left in Tinseltown anymore. Unlike their mundane predecessors, the next generation of the glitterati are determined to mine the most ridiculous trends of yesteryear.

Get the skinny jeans away and sensible footwear away from them! They prefer thongs hitched up to their shoulders and garish lycra bras and pants that look like trash bags.

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Ugh, Tana

Ugh, Tana

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Image: Backgrid

First up is Tana Mongeau, notorious sort-of ex-wife to the equally notorious Jake Paul. Who knows what she’s up to these days now that her MTV show is over and her marriage in pieces. Does she still have beef with the also notorious Bella Thorne? Who knows! Here she is at Craig’s.

In preceding photographs, Mongeau played chicken with the paparazzi and whatever this contraption upstairs is. It’s obvious she wore it knowing full well the dangers. Anyway, fit aside, the color is just wretched, and I can’t understand the logistics of how exactly one is supposed to fit their body into it. The rings on her fingers manage to clash with her Rolex—is it a Rolex?—and her earrings, which feels like an accomplishment.

I have no words on the pants, as I’d like to instead turn the attention back to that mink eyelash barely clinging on. Congratulations, Tana!

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Sure, Dixie

Sure, Dixie

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Unsurprisingly, the gaggle of girls about West Hollywood were guests at Dixie D’Amelio’s launch party for... a song, I believe. Yes, that’s correct—I forget she has what could be described as a music career.

The most obvious thing about this outfit is the number of rhinestones that have already fallen off the sewn-in thong and matching bralet. This is what happens when we settle for designers that make their clothes out of actual plastic fibers (and not in the fun way!). I’d suggest that Dixie rectify this problem by consulting old pictures of Xtina to see that the original outfits this was modeled after were made of legitimate denim and cotton. Those fabrics hold up better to scrutiny!

Another small gripe for this stylist of hers: I know that tiny shoulder bags with bedazzled straps exist. They were very big two seasons ago. Match the bag to the accoutrements—it’s the least that could be done here! Congratulations regardless, this outfit now has my full attention.

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I Guess, Nikita

I Guess, Nikita

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Our final looksie of the night comes courtesy of Nikita Dragun, the oft-canceled Youtuber slash social media personality. This is clearly a callback to the Paris Hilton years, which I have no opinion about anymore. At least this time around, the bra and matching sewn-in thong look far more durable than those of her friends above. It might survive a few more trips through the washing machine, even!

The primary issue of this outfit is one of styling. While I understand the chain’s purpose in relation to the entire outfit, the confusing mishmash of petite body chains and dainty hoop earrings destroy what little sensibility those chains might have. The bag at least matches, although I’m concerned about the integrity of those pleasers. They look a few sizes too small.

Nikita deserves my attention the least, and yet here she is, with all of it! Congratulations once again.

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I love her lack of energy!

I love her lack of energy!

Illustration for article titled Tana Mongeau, Dixie D’Amelio, and Other Very Strange Outfits On the Party Circuit This Week
Image: Backgrid

Before we go, I’d like to give one final shoutout to Hailey Bieber, who wore the best outfit of the week. Go girl! Give us absolutely nothing.

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