The NFL just announced who’s headlining next year’s Super Bowl halftime show, and, per Variety, it’s gonna be Maroon 5. Maybe you know them. Maybe you don’t. In case you don’t, we’ve assembled a helpful list of everything you need to know about them. Not might want. Need.

Everything is stupid, and so are we. Welcome to Jezebel’s Stupidest Summer Ever, a season-long celebration of our worst, most idiotic thoughts and opinions.

The best part about attending a baseball game is eating a hot dog or three and drinking an overpriced beer while wearing a baseball hat and yelling at millionaires. The second best part is listening to the walk-up music—10 to 15 second snippets of songs the baseball men have chosen as their motivational inspiration…

Figure skater and Olympic medalist Adam Rippon was honored to share his buns of steel to his thousands of Twitter followers today.

The Phillie Phanatic, the Philadelphia Phillies’ (baseball) mascot, is six feet, six inches and 300 pounds of “mostly fat,” covered in green fur. According to his official biography, he has “clumsy feet, extra long beak, extra-long curled up tongue, gawking neck, and ‘slight’ case of body odor.” On Thursday, Jezebel…

Well, here we are. The sun is dying, the oceans are boiling, the bees are dead, and the battle between Pre-Apocalypse and Post-Apocalypse has reached its pinnacle, with Indoor Plumbing (12) fighting Unlimited Time Off (9) for the ultimate title. And the winner is—drumroll, please:

The battle of Pre-Apocalypse vs. Post-Apocalypse has come to a head, and you fools have given me a tension headache with the decisions you’ve made. I’m not trying to start drama, but don’t you ever think about other people?

University of Cincinnati student Shalom Ifeanyi says she was kicked off her college volleyball team and lost her athletic scholarship after questioning her coach’s insistence she delete pictures on Instagram. She has now filed a lawsuit alleging gender and race discrimination.

HOLY MAD COW DISEASE, FOLKS, IT’S THE FINAL FOUR! And what a bleak yet engaging ride it has been! We’ve waded through immortal tech billionaires and mole people and the disappearing middle class to get to where we are today, as the strongest seeds face off to determine who will carry the torch to the last fiery battle…

Well hello! We’re back with Jezebel’s March Madness: Pre-Apocalypse vs. Post-Apocalypse, and guess what, things are grim as heck but we’re having a really nice time.

Shalom and welcome back to Jezebel’s March Madness: Pre-Apocalypse vs. Post-Apocalypse. Our time is drawing to a close, both planet-wise and also because March is almost over, and as we move into the muscular arms of the elite eight, we have to ask ourselves the big questions: What would you do without online…

It’s another beautiful day in Jezebel’s March Madness: Pre-Apocalypse vs. Post-Apocalypse, where the competition is fierce and death looms ever closer.

On Friday, the Prime Minister of Tonga, Akilisi Pohiva, contradicted a directive from the nation’s education minister, Penisimani Fifita, that stated girls would not be allowed to play rugby in order to “preserve the dignity of Tongan women and hold on to Tongan cultural values.”

Welcome welcome welcome welcome WELCOME to Round Two of Jezebel’s March Madness: Pre-Apocalypse vs. Post-Apocalypse! So far, both options have a lot of pros and cons!

Hello again and welcome to day three of Jezebel’s March Madness: Pre-Apocalypse vs. Post-Apocalypse! We’ve got a lot to get through as we finish Round One, so, if I may provide one of the many sports analogies in my basketball hat, let’s get the ball rolling!

We’re in day two of this year’s March Madness: Pre-Apocalypse vs. Post-Apocalypse, and folks, the competition is flaming hot, as we say in the athletics world!

In previous years, Jezebel’s annual March Madness brackets have spanned a number of fun categories—Internet vs. IRL, Sex vs. Chocolate, Childhood vs. Adulthood. And what a gas it has been. This year, however, we have thrown caution and also optimism to the wind. We have let our hair down. We have unbuttoned our pants…

Madison Square Garden has been the home of the New York Liberty women’s basketball team since the team was founded in 1997. But for the upcoming season, the team will be downgraded to the Westchester Community Center, a dinky, 5,000 seat arena in White Plains, New York. The New York Liberty often had 10,000 attendees…

This winter, when the thought of putting on the same tired pant-and-sweater combo makes you want to tear out your hair and scream until your throat is raw, why not take a page from the sartorial stylings of our nation’s finest athletes?

In 2004, Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson performed at the Super Bowl halftime show. During this performance, Timberlake exposed Janet Jackson’s nipple—covered by a pasty, but still—to millions of Americans, causing an international crisis from which the world is still reeling.