Wisconsin governor Scott Walker—whose state, as of 2014, had 43% students on a free or reduced lunch program because of rising poverty—eats two ham and cheese sandwiches a day! Yum!

They say money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy you power. Well, in the case of Scott Walker, it couldn’t buy him power but it still could buy him a participation trophy with the word “President” inscribed on it if that would make him feel better.

Sweet little rat-faced Wisconsinite Scott Walker’s presidential ambitions have been officially snuffed out and I am laughing so hard I can’t see the screen does this even make sense? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It seems like just moments ago that we all endured the first debate among thousands of Republicans who want to be president. And yet somehow, both fall and another debate are upon us, twin reminders of the passage of time, the inevitability of death, and the grim unpleasant duties that consume much of our fleeting…

If you’ve ever wondered what happened to the annoying kid in your government class who elicited groans every time he opened his mouth about “the immigrant problem” or “what we should do about the middle east,” look no further than presidential candidate Scott Walker. The man who has never answered one question…

Wisconsin governor, presidential candidate and deep thinker Scott Walker will not be apologizing, exactly, for a recent statement that there are only a “handful” of “reasonable, moderate followers of Islam.” Walker’s campaign told one newspaper everyone is “reading too much” into the comment. Meanwhile, the candidate…

Opinions are like assholes: especially repulsive in Iowa.

Welcome to Big Time Small-Time Dicks, a new regular column on The Slot that explores local politicians, small-town scandals and everything else making life miserable on a local level. Know a small time person who is a big time dick we should feature? Email us.

According to reports, presidential candidate and Woman Hillary Clinton tried very, very hard to make sure no one found out about her $600 haircut at New York’s John Barrett Salon. But we did and now that’s a thing we know about her.

Are you ready for it? Are you ready for the next 461 days of being campaigned at by a pack of desperate losers, flop-sweating in their suits, overtaking your TV, your radio, your mailbox, leaning in too close at your local diner or county fair, corndogs clenched awkwardly in their fists, showing all their teeth in a…

Charles and David Koch held a retreat at a California resort this weekend, where Republican candidates gathered around a pool of Koch money, attached vacuum cleaner extensions to their snouts, and gazed pleadingly at them. All conditions seemed ripe for—could it be—yes, praise Jesus, we’ve got ourselves another …

Now that 7,000 American men and several drunk farm animals have officially declared their candidacies for President, keeping track of them has never been more confusing or difficult. Luckily, we’ve put together a “cheat sheet” with “quick trivia” to help the political layperson discuss with confidence the nuances of…

Gov. Scott Walker said on Wednesday that he doesn’t think children need to be protected from gay scoutmasters — he thinks they need to be protected from the debate surrounding the ban on gay scoutmasters. Obviously!

Scott Walker—presidential candidate, governor of Wisconsin, and noted hot ham enthusiast—has spoken out against the Boy Scouts of America’s recent push to allow gay troop leaders. “I have had a lifelong commitment to the Scouts and support the previous membership policy because it protected children and advanced Scout…

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker—a man who once proposed slashing funding to victims of child abuse, who’s actively trying to end his state’s living wage, and who’s all on board for banning abortion after 20 weeks with no exceptions for rape or incest—took time away from his busy schedule of destroying the social…

Wisconsin governor Scott Walker sacrificed a leisurely Fourth of July weekend of grill-outs and fireworks in order to sneak a variety of harmful provisions into his state’s budget. Buried in the omnibus budget bill: a law that limits the information released to the public during police shootings, as well as a…

That creaking, clanking noise you hear faintly—so faintly—is the sound of the 2016 presidential election rolling inexorably in our direction. But right now much of the action is centered in Iowa, where, FYI, Republican senator Joni Ernst (who first came to our attention with an ad proudly touting her hog-castration…

During his 2014 reelection campaign, Wisconsin governor Scott Walker disingenuously represented himself as being moderately pro-life when, in fact, he is an anti-abortion extremist. Anyone familiar with his politics and voting record were aware of this duplicity; however, less educated and less informed voters were…

In a Friday interview with conservative talk radio host Dana Loesch, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker defended the state’s forced ultrasounds for people who want to get abortions, calling them “just a cool thing that’s out there.” Although “in here” would be more accurate, in that the procedure in early pregnancy, when…